Old renditions of love's lament,
where spirits of time came and went,
the past and future sealed by hand-fast rite
each night their souls our shield.
Beyond the winter's veil they came,
one and all before the athame,
the Celtic path cast the fate of our love,
above the skies we wait.
Many lifetimes have come to pass,
bringing us closer to the last,
for all time we are destined to be one,
none can part me and you.
Soul-mates before the Earth was born,
through the ages of rose and thorn,
until the end of days when stars forget
and yet we love again.
Author notes
Byr a thoddaid: http://www.thepoetsgarret.com/celtic2.html#awlbyr
My number was 8 giving me the daunting task of writing from one of AP's best BluesMan and making something worthy enough of him - I can hear the Mission Impossible theme as I write. Any way here's his page link:
http://allpoetry.com/BluesMan
I believe in fate and on a random hit of poems I landed this one which hit me straight away as I was working a poem about soul-mates. Please take the time to read it as it is a lovely example of an ancient Welsh form.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5705887
Thank you BluesMan for the inspiration
In a list
A contest entry
- Unusual Form Round 3 by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended November 26, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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enjoyed
from start to finish, and the love chakra background as well, good luck in the contest!!!
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Thank you for your entry
I am always amazed at your ability with these forms. I really like this form of the ones I have tried so far. I think you have captured Bluesman's poem as well in your version and how very fitting that the poem you landed on is of a Celtic form as well.
The form was followed exceedingly well of course and I always appreciate that you go that extra mile to do more than two or three stanzas. Syllable count went over on the first lines of stanza one and two. I counted 9 syllables in each. Otherwise an excellent job on the form. Please see my rubric below for further details.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
TammyCriteria
20-18
Exceptional
17-14
Innovative
13-10
Commendable
9-6
Competent
5-1
Emerging
Score
Prompt Development
Expresses and develops meaningful and original perspective on prompt
Expressive and developed treatment of the prompt
Adequate focus and development
Some focus on prompt but lacks development
Unfocused and unclear
20
Organization
Form of poem appropriately and powerfully addresses the subject , each line focuses on prompt
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form is poorly constructed, focus is not maintained throughout
20
Poetic Language & Imagery
Sensory details and figurative language create vivid images that contribute significantly to the meaning of the poem; sound devices such as rhyme, alliteration, or onomatopoeia are used effectively to contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative languages and sound devices contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative language and sound devices may be overused, underused or inappropriate to the topic
Confusing or inappropriate use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
No use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
20
Use of Language
Word choice is vivid and exact throughout; grammar, mechanics and usage are correct, enhancing the thoughts and images
Precise word choice; no error in grammar, spelling and mechanics
Word choice occasionally vague, repetitive or imprecise; few errors in grammar, mechanics or usage
Word choices tend to be vague, repetitive or imprecise;
Consistently difficult to understand due to errors in grammar, mechanics and usage
20
Overall Impact
Poem captivates and inspires reader; is an excellent representation of the prompt/form
Poem attracts reader’s attention; is a good representation of the prompt/form
Poem is adequate and provides a reasonable representation of the prompt/form
Poem lacks inspiration
Poem fails to inspire
20
Length (19 lines) Form Villanelle
Deduction of points for not following the form correctly
Total
100/100
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Thank you for the comment and the spot on syllable count, Tammy.Easy ones to edit out fortunately.
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Now that I've written mine and understand the form a bit better I can see the expert hand here in your poem. Soul mates, what a wonderful thing, never to be parted- even in death. This is beautiful Jem.
Kris
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Thanks Kris
Not an easy form to do is it.
hugs
Jem
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Thank you for this beautiful poem of the eternal bond within true
soul-mates. I couldn't agree more with your poetic deffinition of
soul-mates This poem brought tears to my eyes, as I am still grieving the loss of my true soul-mate who passed away on March 9th of this year. You far exceded doing justice to the poem that you chose from my page. Thank you Jem.
Your new friend,
Bill
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Mine passed 7 December 2001 - I believe they are still with us my friend, sometimes there just seems to be a little guidance if that makes sense.
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Wonderfully written, with smooth flow
Well done
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Lovely form and message. You have helped me understand how the form is developed and since you seem to be an expert I have a question. Can the internal rhyme come in any of the places indicated by the colored "x's" and can it vary from stanza to stanza?
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Hi and thank you.
The internal rhymes of the toddaid couplet can be any one of the coloured x yes. Yes it can also vary stanza to stanza. Internal rhymes do not have to be as strong as end line rhymes either so you can use slant to good effect if you wish.
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It's a good poem, but surely the format of the Byr stanzas alternates?
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2049654 (the link to the original definition no longer exists, but my piece is irregular, inasmuch as it places the buried rhyme anywhere in the relevant line)
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Byr stanzas are either octasyllabic couplet followed by the toddaid or vice versa. The use of alternating stanzas is one variant but there is no set rule to that. In Welsh language poetry the Byr is often used as a ballad form where one variant of the stanza acts as a refrain and the verses are composed of the other. Technically the internal or buried rhymes should be moveable but the format used in the contest has not shown that.
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Got it! Carry on, Jem.
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You've got me hooked and you haven't even started yet
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LMAO
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