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on the slip way...

 

Many hours of troubled toil,
with sweat upon their brows,
men crafted metal bent it so,
those laboured days of vows.

To build a vessel made to last,
and sail till time stood still,
but they should have followed plans of old,
and built it with good will.

But with hardened steel unbreakable,
they launched a ship so fair,
it might have reached its journeys end,
if a block of ice weren’t there.

So many souls were lost that night,
cold waters took them home,
their frozen bodies swallowed up,
as funnels made an icy foam.

Now two by two they said goodbyes,
but it needn’t have been that way,
if only they’d followed Noah’s skills,
they may still have been alive today.

Author notes

Prompt:
Amateurs built the Arc,

and

Professionals built the Titanic

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • ZachP gold member
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful capture of the story you have here
    and you capture such a powerful truth, as well.
    Wonderful rhyme, meter, and flow.

    Well done, dear poet.
    Thank you for sharing, good luck.
    Zach Estel.


  • condor gold member
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    This was great and I do tend to agree with you on this point. it seems that the more complicated and complex they make things, and the more proffessional they call themselves, the more mishaps occur. Of course the sinking of the Titanic was more than just a mishap, wasn't it. Great rhythm, rhyme and flow that kept me enthralled right to the very end. Such a wonderful read that showed the story of that dreadful happening where so many lives were lost unneccesarily. I guess though that it would not have really mattered how well it was made, the laws of nature chose that moment for that to happen and it was going to happen regardless. Many say that htese people died before their time...well, I believe the great spirit knows when the time is right and doesn't make mistakes. Thanks for the wonderful read and the very bestin the contest.


  • whyspr gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Cougar you did a beautiful job on the rhyme in your poem. The imagery recreates in my mind that horrible night when nature proved once again that man will not contain it or control it in the end.


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you make your poems come alive. This one did also. Thank you for sharing it. It was well done. Nice way to put an old bible story. I like how you did it. I can see the animals say good byes and march upon that ship.


  • Dmonik
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    This is actually not what I was expecting, but it's an amazing and well written piece, Mike.
    The unsinkable ship, that sank on it's maiden voyage, yet the memory of her sails on through movies, books and communication... I guess she gained some form of notoriety eventually, if only for the wrong reasons.
    Bravo

    'D' (Scott)


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    November 1

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I could feel your words as they pierced the heart and the sounds of those poor souls dieing...for truly pride and endless greed cost the lives of those on the titanic...smiles to myself and hugs na ehana for we both know if they had built it Noahs was they all would be alive today

    excellent love and a winner for sure

1 - 6 of 6