Inviting reality into our truly recessed hearts,
there we banged the drums of regret
So we opened our eyes and saw the lady depart,
there along the river of dreams she jetted
Sweat and lamentable tears saw her sail away,
a unity in amazement that she left at all
In the mornings dew, she was seen on display,
working for the river band, musos so tall
War clouds could have seen her misbehave,
but the people united, came together so
And it seemed alright to then act brave,
paint ones reality with sounds on the radio
So along the river of dreams we rocked,
played songs of freedom and sweet regress
Still some fell apart, taken down and mocked,
made scapegoats for the bastards below us
Men of war, men of remorse, men suicidal,
killing us for their own selfish gain
These we fought against, high above eagles,
living with sounds of gunfire and sudden pain
In this darkly unmerciful world we've seen it all,
such like on the evening news, such to blind
Everynight they showed us violence to enthral,
crimes done to all our loving kind
Despite all that we were somberly exposed to,
we still learned to love our distant neighbour
So unity we sought in a world so screwed,
and to love, and shake freedoms hand sober
Kissing the feet of fear, spreading the love,
there along the river of dreams we shared
Whatever we could we shared high and above,
thus we bled our hearts to show we cared
Deep down everyone is ultimately made the same,
like same desires, same dreams, same hope
Yet we killed each other, bled in our own shame,
still we all rose from the ashes of regret in scope
Humble as we were, blame we there buried,
and gave our hearts to the love of everyone
Enough of war we had, enough of a life harried,
so we made love, and threw away our guns
Along the river of dreams, there we met,
signed peace deals and opened our hearts
There along the river of dreams and cigarettes,
smoking for peace, hoping it shan't fall apart
Shifting sands took our lady deep into the fire,
and she come out the other side all rocking
Playing songs of freedom and all of life's desires,
there along the river of dreams she was smoking
Author notes
Unite one, unite all and let us all kiss the feet of fear in the name of peace.
In a list
A contest entry
- A Time To Write by Pisces rainbow.
1100 points, ended November 15, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - big bang prewrite contest round 1 - 3 by serenity silvermoon.
1800 points, ends December 12, 253 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Let me know your thoughts on this poem.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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You really kicked tail on the metaphors and all the feeling that went into this nice piec of work. Thank you for allowing me to read it. This was great. Keep penning for you are writing golds.
Brook -
Great imagery! Beautiful write!
I love the way you string words together to paint such magnificient picture of peace in a world laced with pains.
Thumbs up. -
This is quite an interesting piece of work. Somehow you've managed to combine the river of dreams with the river of stars. That's were we come from that's were we dream. We kiss fear and regret...and yet we remember. -c
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I thoroughly enjoyed this. The meter feels very free and loose and your rhyme is spot on... (other than 'regrets' and 'jetted')... but I can see you have done this with awareness and intent..... with poetic license to bend the rules... I actually admire that.
A great way to paint a picture of unity. Well done.
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you know....this is a really fine write....smacks of humanity.....and well crafted as always...I hope you wont allow the rude and unskilled comments of rude poets detract from the excellence before us
bravo
T
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Along the river of dreams, there we met,
signed peace deals and opened our hearts
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First of all let me say I enjoyed the rhyme and alliteration. You placed these so well throughout the poem. Well done! But onto bigger fish.
This poem spoke boatloads and never once ceased to amaze. It was beautiful both in length and in verse, and always kept me imagining the scenes you lay out before the reader. Excellent write and keep up the great work! -
It made me think of a band that has gone on tour through the worst parts of humanity hoping to find redemption but coming up empty handed. Smoke another and keep playing. What more can you do?
Good read.
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Great flow to this poem. My favorite stanza "
Deep down everyone is ultimately made the same,
like same desires, same dreams, same hope
Yet we killed each other, bled in our own shame,
still we all rose from the ashes of regret in scope"
I loved that stanza. Great write all throughout, though I did have to read it twice as the first read was lost in transaltion.
Keep on writing and I will keep on reading.
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suggestive and smooth. I really enjoyed this read.
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amazing
"Deep down everyone is ultimately made the same,
like same desires, same dreams, same hope
Yet we killed each other, bled in our own shame,
still we all rose from the ashes of regret in scope" I feel this way and it is my biggest pet peeve when people go "oh well my ancestors this and that and you owe me." we are all created equal so its not like you need anything exta or special. I might have taken this too far but i really hate it when people do that. so thank you for expressing that in this stanza. nd yes, if peole keep this up, we will all die. -
Ah, a most ambitious poem, full of a plethora of suggestions small revealations of many subjects... grandly concieved and finely executed...
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AWESOME
to kiss the feet of fear and turn to ones fellow man...stop the wars, stop the pain and suffering...we are all family on this earth no matter race or color of skin...this rocks and a winner for sure...i wouldnt change anything about it...point taken
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Hmm took me a while to think what to say back mainly as the avatar struck my eye first the write itself was good long but sometimes you have to get a better idea of what someone wants to portray so its a good thing as it involves the reader more and want to know how it ends well done
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This was a bit too long for me to focus on, your message got a little lost in all the words. But I`m not really a writer, so what do I know? I did however, like your overall message. Thanks for sharing with us and keep up the good work!
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you certainly can write
kiss the feet of fear
I am very impressed
amazing talent
Humble as we were, blame we there buried
I could write down every line
each is worthy
Last paragraph is just amazing and wraps the piece off beautifully
Thank you much
God bless you my friend...
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