Man dreams in epic proportions,
steel fate sealed with fire.
Conclusion a forboding destiny
life ends in an icy graveyard,
sinking into blackest hell
we pray.
One man prays,
two by fours make wooden beams
lives intertwined enter
sealed by the hand of God.
As a world awaits rebirth
till peace brings forth new life.
The promise of a rainbow.
Author notes
I am really struggling, I could use some constructive critcism on content and title. Thank you.
A contest entry
- Winner take all. by ZachP.
400 points, ended November 19, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Hi really like this poem and what it is telling us i think the finish to the poem is lovely, well done
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Thank you very much
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Well done, dear friend!
I really like the setup of the poem. Each stanza tells one of the stories; and they are told very well, with a wonderful balance of show and tell; and some very vivid images; indeed.
As for your title . . . I am thinking along the lines of something nautical . . . something involving 'sail', 'mast', 'prow' &c. Not much help, but a direction to go in, perhaps.
Thank you for entering.
Zach Estel -
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Zach, thank you for the HM and the contest. I really had to think on how to express what I wanted to say on this one, and I enjoyed the challenge. I am considering the possible titles for your suggestions, thank you for helping in that area.
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simply breath-taking and beautiful
I honestly love this peom and the message within and find your poem breath-takingly beautiful, My favorite lines were
One man prays,
two by fours make wooden beams
lives intertwined enter
sealed by the hand of God.
As a world awaits rebirth
till peace brings forth new life.
The promise of a rainbow.
It was these lines that really tugged at my heart, simply beautiful
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thank you Shewolf, Those were my favorite lines as well
. Sorry to be so long in replying but I wasnt certain about whether or not the contest was annonymous, so I waited.
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