every second

with what you left me, i had nothing.


i'm not sure what i can take from this encounter, but i'll take it like children taking candy on Halloween night; oh so willingly.

i take too many pictures, and dream the days away. i hide names that are written on my floor: too hurt to see them, still clinging to yesterday to not erase them. but they sit there, and they are a reminder that there will always be a goodbye.

my cousins and i used to be best friends, inseparable. but by the time we where ten, i don't know what happened.

we grew up.

i see pictures of other people, and flashback: i'm nine again, sitting at my friend's house. god, god, god, i regret ever being her 'friend'. she deserved so much more than me, so much more, but i was all she could get. oh, pretty girl, forgive me. but right now, i can't escape this memory. we're talking about her favorite singer, Jewel, and i tell her it's a stupid name: she never speaks this name again. never.
and in that moment, i hate myself all over again.
for every second i can't take back, i hope i burn in hell.
for every minute i spent hurting her, i hope i slowly and painfully die.
for every moment i spend writing this, i wish i was dreaming and can only pray she will never stop dreaming.

never stop dreaming.