The pain I hide so deep inside
Is locked by my sealed heart
She broke my heart, I left her side
But leaving is hard to start
My love for her was vast and deep
Like hidden crags beneath the sea
She is the one for whom I weep
She is the one I will not see
She tore me in two my lady dear
The one I have lost for good
She the one with eyes so clear
But her heart is made of wood
Author notes
http://milkcookie.deviantart.com/art/heartkey-142029369
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt Contest ~ Please Enter by Br0kEn WiNgS.
900 points, ended November 3, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewritten Poems of Perfection by Michael-B.
750 points, ended November 30, 96 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think everyone?
Comments
-
I love rhyming poetry and I think that you have worked well to write this piece, I would agree with xfallingxfast that punctuation would definately help improve it the piece not just to help give rhythm but also to allow the reader somewhere to pause, and a way to feel the full impact of the poem. A really good write but it breaks the 3rd rule of my contest, as this poem was written for another contest. Im looking for poems that were just written because. Not written for. Feel free to enter a different poem good luck.
-
Son of Thought
I sincerely love the flow of this piece... and that last line "but her heart is made of wood" is just a GREAT ending.
In order to help out the flow of the piece a little bit, might I suggest usage of periods and/or other punctuation? It might make for more dramatic pauses, but overall, it's a very good poem, keep it up! -
Poet,
Direct, a clear statement of a heart broken.
I particurally liked the second part:
""My love for her was vast and deep
Like hidden crags beneath the sea
She is the one for whom I weep
She is the one I will not see""
Classic, this could have been written hundreds of years ago except you just wrote it. Your message is strong and true, 'hidden crags' good imagery. So many ways the ocean is depicted it is a constant search for words not over used.
You have talent. I sincerely hope you continue to pursue your expression of soul through words!
PEACE
Sheli
Adding your comment:
