Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

pleas to my parents

they tell me i am wrong
am i right? i hope i am
don't want to be stupid again, already done that before
people think (i think) i don't know what i am talking about
do i? i thought i do. maybe not though
do they even hear what i am saying?
no, they defiantly don't. they say "it's okay, i know how you feel"
LIES! ALL LIES! i am not mute, and you are not deaf! listen to me
please?
i know you try to understand sometimes, but i need you to just know
without me trying
i don't have the energy to try much longer, i need your help now
now more than ever
i hate everything about myself, but you love me
distract me from my foolish misery
tell me it will be alright, make me believe your telling the truth
make my eyes twinkle, and my lips smile
make my insides soar, and my mind turn to happier times

make me believe in magic, because that's what i need to go on now.

Author notes

i know this isn't my best work, but what do you think about it?

A contest entry

what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • kamikage
    November 2

    Edit | Reply

    good

    I like your sense of inner frustration and self-doubt - powerful emotions. A few suggestion: "definitely" is spelled incorrectly, you have a split infinitive in "to just know" (move "just" to fix this). Also, maybe you can elaborate a little on the self hatred that you feel to add more powerful emotion. Ptherwise, quite original. Thanks for entering!


    • black-phenoqu
      November 3
      Edit | Reply

      i am confused about what you mean by a "split infinitive"

      i meant to put the 'just' there though, i thought it expressed my thoughts better; you know i wanted them to know everything about me without me telling them anything. i think also this was meant to be about the confusion in my life, more then self hatred.


      • kamikage
        November 3
        Edit | Reply
        A split infinitive is when an infinitive ("to go", for example) is split with an adverb or adverbial clause. This isn't not gramatically correct, because the word "to" suggests the beginning of a prepositional phrase, but if a verb like "go" follows "to", it is not a prepositional phrase. Basically, its a stylistic issue.
        Ok, I'm sorry for the misinterpretation. When I mean is maybe you can elaborate more on how YOU feel about the situation rather than stating the situation itself.
        Thanks!


  • BrokenSanity
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes the best poets portray raw emotion more that good technique in a poem. YOu have done this brilliantly here, I can COMPLETLY relate to this... well done. Im here if you need to tkl.

1 - 5 of 5