Drowning was easy
sea green temptations
your eyes provided me forevers
music in whispers cluttered with kisses
fingers playing skin without stops
life breathes soaring dreams
Tsunamis overwhelm defenses
We did it in the car
Chrome, carbureted, tracked and tached
fuel injected, bored and miked
aerodynamic, metal flaked
seats tucked and rolled
she has my soul
Surfing cosmic radiation
Wind steady , kicking up waves
Prayers answered
She stayed
9:15 PM
10/31/09
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
As requested:
She stayed
Prayers answered
Wind steady , kicking up waves
Surfing cosmic radiation
she has my soul
seats tucked and rolled
aerodynamic, metal flaked
fuel injected, bored and miked
Chrome, carborated, tracked and tached
We did it in the car
Tsunamis overwhelm defenses
life breathes soaring dreams
fingers playing skin without stops
music in whispers cluttered with kisses
your eyes provided me forevers
sea green temptations
Drowning was easy
A contest entry
- the embodiment of erotica -->take me now (final round) by JinSays.
4506 points, ended November 16, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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wow both ways rock! hard to say which way the better, yet thats the thing with love, it tends to rid itself of the linear and formulate that beautiful sphericle ecstasy where intentions are pure and language just a portal...
w beer batter fish and homemade chips
-Jas
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The circle of love is repeated in an endless echo. We carry its reverberations with us always. We may forget to listen but we always hear.
Peace,
Tom B.
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I was enchanted by the phrase "we did it in the car" and I shall applaud for its combination of succinctness and suggestiveness. I am very fond of vehicular love and have used my own greengrocer's van for many an illicit liaison. Where do you live? I have probably written a poem about how one of my mistresses was murdered in your vicinity and I could let you know. You would hate to miss out on anything as lovely as that. http://www.allpoetry.com/poem/3576040 features a tramcar, by the way.
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Oh if only one could afford a car large enough nowadays to transgress with such a fair maiden, alas most are only capable of taking two paper bags and a used Mcdonalds wrapper before being overcrowded.
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Now I will never be able to look at a Smart Car the same way.
Peace,
Tom B.
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well done. I really admire your unique descriptions. Awesome analogys for expression.
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well done. I really admire your unique descriptions. Awesome analogys for expression.
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Thank You Much
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Not bad, the pace was frantic, which was probably akin to the pelvic thrusting going on in the back of that car.
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snicker
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Some great lines in this - 'your eyes provided me forevers/music in whispers cluttered with kisses' in particular immediately stood out. Also liked the contrast of the almost idyllic romanticism of the opening to the earthy reality of the rest of it. Good luck in your contest! Nice write you have here :
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Thank You Much
I like the contrasts between the romanticism and the earthy, plus my experience is that we create the romantic out of the substance of the everyday. When the two are joined together in life a very combustible mixture
Peace & Love
Tom B.
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Riding In Cars With Boys
Thanks for the memories! Great use of the palindromic form, it doesn't seem at all contrived. Of course I know poetry is all contrived but the sense of natural effortlessness this poem creates is a gift!
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Thanks
There is a joy when everything feels right, I wanted to play with the joyfulness, which I hope came across, the rest was fun and fun should always come easily and naturally.
Peace,
Tom B.
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Something about sex and cars...They seem to go together like peaches and cream, Fred and Ginger, and anything else you could think of... a gret combo indeed. I enjoyed this little ride in the back seat while rolling down memory lane. LOL! Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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To be sexy, it is better to stir the imagination with promises of possible adventures. To be sensual, one only has to offer the sensations a chance to savor the promise of arousal done tenderly. But the truly erotic, the highest of highs comes when the mind is invested in lighting fires of passion.
Love,
Tom B.
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great analogies and comparisons. I especially liked the first lines 'drowning was easy," 'green temptations', that was poetically beautiful.
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Thanks. I enjoyed writing this. I like to spike the punch of imagination on occasion with whispers of erotic possibility.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I love the thought of drowning and Tsunamis in the same stanza when relating to erotica.
Your second stanza makes me want to live in the fast lane and that is always a sexy adventure. LOl Great!
Nice that she never has to get up, make-up, pack-up and leave, huh? LOL I loved this Tom! I know Sue smiles when she reades these racey poems.
I wish you well in the challenge.
Always ♥
Renee
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Cars and oceans, both very sexy. One such a rush of freedom and speed, but a mechanical beast. The other so wild and untamed, all the power in water and when it is done, no one to blame. The right woman ain't the sexiest or most erotic, that is not what controls the choice, instead it is the way she and you answer each other's questioning hearts that makes her all the wonderful things from which you never want to part.
You are right, they leave a smile on Sue's face. She shakes her head, never quite willing to believe all the good stuff I have said. Love is full of surprises and I still love all the things I discover.
Love,
Tom B.
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I enjoyed this read, i love the memories you have let us play in.
Not only does it throw a spark of fun but also a soft erotic sense.
Cool that it got reversed and i loved it like that also.
Oh are not memories beautiful!
Still exciting...
Love
~Lisa~P
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This is probably not as erotic as she is looking for. I like subtle, teasing, memory provoking stuff. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B.
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The excitement of where you are at that time truly stimulates the mind, body and soul to the highest peak of erotic pleasure. I loved it in reverse as well as forward. It sure made me remember some magical moments.....excellent write....novy
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it was an interesting challenge on Jin's part. I wanted to really catch the meaning in a palindrome sort of way. As usual my erotica is more about sparking the memories and letting the reader do all of the work.
Love,
Tom B.
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makes me want to go for a drive *smiley*
good write! -
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Something about sex and cars.
Peace,
Tom B.
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