Stitch together the pieces of this cloth I call my skin,
And find a way to bind the seams to keep everything in.
In every seal a secret, a place to call my own.
In every fold an unknown sin for which I must atone.
Paint my face with ashes from fallen lovers past,
Line my cheeks with blood from all the ones that never last.
Trace my eyes with tears, blackened from the pain,
And caress my lips with crimson from all the friendships slain.
Comment if you wish, it is welcome.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Wow, I am blown away
I so so relate to this desire to be clean, just reminds me how Jesus does that for us...its as though 2 days pass and I feel like this all over and again
Love it!
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Well now then there!
I am no authority on poetry, but I believe as Poe did; Poetry is only poetry in so much as it temporarily lifts the spirits or intrigues its readers. I believe it is a very honest poem and honesty is a very hard item to find these days. Congratulations. Never be discouraged by your detractors. Many of them are brain dead and fortunately do not know it. It's probably too late for most of them anyway.
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Bountiful~Uniquely-Creative...
This composition shows the power of the author's poetic veins... "Atone" is rich in imagery and symbolism. A majestic poem that stimulated my imagination on the creative mood. I am truly impressed.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
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Umi
I have to say, though very sad, your poem is open and honest. True life. No fairy tale. And the rhyme is just delicious. Happy writing.
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For some reason this reminded me of Nightmare Before Christmas. It was a dark write with a good rhyme to it. Some of the imagery is a bit cliche, something I'd typically find in a poem written on this subject, but it's still effective.
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love it
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Seems to be just like old times Umi...
And just like me your darker poetry flows better....has deeper meaning. It takes things to a better level of literature.
The depth is great, the quality of the poem is good as always.
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I have been a child of the darkness since birth which is why much of my writing is dark, not necessarily macabre, but dark. This poem, this "Atone" is just beautiful in its desolation. Through your metaphors and imagery you have managed to create an illusion of being reduced from a man/woman? to nothing more than an empty shell. One which needs covering with the only things the writer has left; secrets, sins, lovers/friendships lost. Stitch together, bind the seams to seal the secrets, paint my face, line my cheeks, trace my tears, caress my lips with crimson. I might change Line 6 to "Line my cheeks with blood from the ones that didn't last." Line 1 - take out the "the" before pieces. In Line 8 take out the "And." Line 2 change "everything" to "keep my pain within" and remove the And". These are not criticisms of the soul of the poem. They would simply aid in the flow. I absolutely love it. Kudos to you Umi.
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Not quite...
My first response was not to believe that this was more than words; anyway, I always like to think that, when people write in some dark fashion.
Then I felt that the writer really did want to put it into some more or less regular metre, but just wandered away from it. Then, to carry on the negativity, I felt the second line definitely did not 'go'. It is the word 'everything' which causes the trouble.
L. 6 , I think, would be better if you dropped the 'all' - it does not add to the meaning.
Just my views.
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