I missed a milestone again
they made me miss it
yet again,
I seem to step miles
in one go
and they drag me
back to start
all the while
do not know
what they want
from me
they use
all the contacts,
manipulation
and guile
they are a group
all ranged
to prevent me
from being on trot
I see them across
whispering
and conspiring
hard
as I sing their exploits
like a stung bard
there they are
mulling and rolling
in their misdeeds
revelling in time glory
watching my face
intent
looking for cracks and lines
I seem unaffected
they get anxious
as rope
tightens
more
around their necks
they have
another
failed attempt
at morale
assassination
it is their
creed and method
to break that
once it does not
they are helpless
and worrying about
children
that would be,
in generations,
born to them or their offsprings
for, the children would
bear
the burden
of their
sins
not in small measure
but with
ineterest compound
abound and abound
apart
from them
whom,my pain ghosts
would
haunt and hound.
Author notes
of their
sins.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
I like how your works seamlessly flow and transcend the laws of writing. Good work here.
-
Your poem reminds me of the feeling of falling into my own fault lines, the daily battle against the inertia of weakness of the spirit. -The Manatee
-
raw emotion at its best
-
I feel paranoia and.....You know that saying?
Your never alone with a schizophrenic. luv it!!
-
Ok, this does need some work.
Perhaps spacing out lines that clump together and the next thought. As Well "morale
assassination" moral? "ineterest " interest?
This has some potential, my friend..keep picking at it!
-
Maybe I see a bit to deep into this one...
but as I read and interact on your poetic voice
I am left with a touch of revenge to those who have caused pain, bullying and sorrow
towards yourself.
How their future breathes to breed another generation of those who wish to cause suffering and harm.
Raw poetry and beautifully expressed
Keep on penning
Julie
-
very touching to say the least..the ghost of the past always steps on the heels of the present...to see and feel the chains that bind us to the wongs can simply choke us if we arent careful...thought provoking and deep insite into the inner mind..thank you for sharing with me...
-
its good, but it anoyed me that it is mostly one word lines, it made me unable to focus and andurstand the poem.
-
thier is very good intensity throughout the poem, i really like it!!!!!!!!
-
A most interestingly abstract piece... deliberately disjointed I would say.. unfortunately from an outside perspective i cannot sense any form of flow or elegance... but the choppy nature of this, as I suggested, seems rather intentional - and to good effect, if this is so. Something powerful lies hidden behind these words... just scratching at the surface, giving the reader food for thought... I cannot help but wonder to who this is directed? Not a bad picece overall, well done...
Listen, if you are an abstract thinker, I have a request of you...
-
Who are they?
-
I see them not going anywhere while, "you" are going somewhere even though they are trying to stop it. Can't pay attection to the others or the milestone will be missed, again,
-
hmmm
i liked this
it seemed to have a couple of different avenues.
i got that of deceit, lies and betrayal
yet i also had the suicide feel..
Great write
keep the ink flowing
fire
-
I have to agree with Talking Tony. It sent me to a place where people try committing suicide.
they get anxious
as rope
tightens
more
around their necks
they have
another
failed attempt
at morale
assassination
VERY thought provoking. Thanks for sharing.
~Keep penning!~
Rock On
•*~♥Dax♥~*•
-
This is a perfect style for you to use. It's very unique and different from the other styles that other poets use, and it's something that you don't see everyday.
Great job!
-
this left me deep in thought...it is open ended...gives ownership to the reader... like it very much indeed
T
-
Thought Provoking...
Many different meanings can be derived from this piece. I was provoked to the thinking that this is about the sins of our generation cascading down to the next generation. The bible even says the sns of the father visits the next two generations. And I feel very sad at what my child and grandchild will have to face in this world both politically and morally if we keep moving on in this manner we currrently. This, like I said can be taken in many different directions, and this is where it took me. Thanks for sharing and a job well done!!!!~~~Toni~~~
-
i feel like its broken a little too much
though im generally for spacing phrasing by using new lines-it was too little floweach new line makes a pause-id take it back a step-but it was an interesting read for me
I missed a milestone again
they made me miss it
yet again,I seem to step miles
in one go
and they drag me back to start
all the while
do not know
what they want from me
they use all the contacts,
manipulation
-
yup this is really a unique style..and i must say thinking too..its really nice to read all your work...good job
-
Great write well done you have a very unique style
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
