It was my hand that you did seek,
My mind was moved - I could not speak,
Long days I dreamed of your embrace
With mind replete - a state of grace.
And as time passed I watched you roam
The fields and hillsides close to home,
A gentle shepherd with his sheep
And I his love, good watch would keep.
Until that time when your love changed
And promises got rearranged,
I sensed your love was insincere
Soon months would turn into a year.
And yet I could not let you go
You’d won my heart - I loved you so.
Then came the day - the news had spread
That you’d been stabbed and left for dead,
It was for love that you had died
I felt betrayed but still I cried.
And none would know of your request
Or thoughts of how you loved me best,
And though it was my hand you sought,
Now that you’re gone - I’m left with thought!
© 2009 Joy A. Burki-Watson
Author notes
I had not known much about Christopher Marlowe until I researched him at
old poetry.com and then I began reading some of his poems. My mind began drifting as I read his poem: The Passionate Shepherd To His Love", and my muse was stimulated to respond to him with my poem.
http://oldpoetry.com/opoem/3544-Christopher-Marlowe-The-Passionate-Shepherd-To-His-Love
A contest entry
- Christopher Marlowe...remember? by Denerica.
600 points, ended October 31, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please take time to share your comments ...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love how you keep sending me over to oldpoetry. lol Truly a beautiful response and well deserving of the gold. Congratulations.
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Ah, joy, each and every day
you challenge yourself,
find new fields in which to play!
A remarkable response!
M-C
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Excellent and creative response. Excellent story-telling, with lovely rhyme and meter. Poignant "promises got rearranged," and "I felt betrayed, but still I cried." Resounding conclusion. In mournful silences, it is our thoughts that keep us company.
Congrats on the gold shiny!
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You've very successfully kept the 'feel' and the character of the original stimulus and developed it beautifully in your own inimicable way. Terrific ending! Congratulations indeed.
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Hi, congratulations on the gold, lovely poem, Di
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a very nice rhyming scheme of couplets, syllabically-correct with balance as rhyming schemes should be to work properly. i enjoyed this effort because it reads well...!
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I am impressed...funny you mentioned searching the old poetry. com so did I and I had someone tell me that what I listed as poems are just experpts, I did not come off as an expert, I too just remembered this writer and thought it would be fun to bring a ghost of the past out of the woodwork, they got smart with me and said those sites aren't acurate, and therefore they weren't going to enter, especially because of no pre-writes, I don't need pride, so they are blocked...anyhoo...I really loved this combination you put forth with, it is lovely like a sonnet too. Thanks for entering. Blessings.
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Yeah, a wonderful use of the rhyming couplet! And such a beautiful rhythm to it. Heartfelt, structure wise right on. Great job mixing the ideas of Marlowe's original work with his real life death.
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Ah yes 'come live with me and be my love'
I like this poem very much I think your continuation of the theme follows on well and is believable.
Long days I dreamed of your embrace
With mind replete - a state of grace.
I also like the idea of a state of grace when everything was right with her world until realization dawned that his feelings had changed.
good luck with the contest
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I love this! You pen with such perfect meter that never lost it's stride and your equilibrium carried you with such poise, but also, very heatfelt and tragic.
That was a true joy, Joy. Thanx!
~steve~
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I always thought it was intriguing how you'd respond to poets back when I was a mod on oldpoetry. I'm glad to see you are still doing it.
I like how you combine his poem with the facts of his life, or rather, death. I thought that was creative. It's a loving, faithful reply to the original. I admire the style and the ability it took to write it!
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Humm..well this life moves like the way you described..and that is the repeated cycle as well..the joy of the love may come back in the same or different form...well said..
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