It was a black and bitter night, or so the story goes
an ancient tale of love gone bad beneath where willow grows.
A brief encounter of two hearts that seemed so bright and strong,
they met each day under that tree, as branches sang their song.
But sad to say it didn't last, for he was just amused,
who left a broken heart behind, her feelings most confused.
For she mistook his arrogance for love that would be true,
promising to keep her heart, to him his whole life through.
To all around she seemed so brave, accepting this her fate,
her beautiful demeanour, that hid her sorrow's weight.
For all the townsfolk were afraid that she would waste away,
until they found her 'neath that tree, one breezy autumn day.
This awful sight that met their eyes, her body limp and loose,
her life she took for love they said, for one who did seduce.
They buried her beneath that tree, with sturdy, spreading roots
and maybe one day in due course, for her there'd raise new shoots.
Yet firm and broad that this tree was, her soul she wove so deep
and in the winds you'd hear her cries, as willow's leaves would weep.
From way back then until this day, you'll see the willows grieve,
by branches drooping, every one, where lost love still does weave.
Author notes
Words Used In Order - black, bitter, ancient, brief, bright, amused, brave, beautiful, afraid, breezy, awful, broad.
In a list
A contest entry
- Adjective Word Bank #2 by GotLilt.
1200 points, ended November 3, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Tell Me What You Think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I adore the willow and you do it's sad beauty justice with this write. One ever slight stumble in S2 L4...stress starts on syll count..an easy fix to find.. pure purfection elsewhere!
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What a beautiful tale! Weeping willows are indeed the trees most worthy of poetry.
And this tale is, indeed, worthy of legend! What a wonderful wonderful read! Thank you so much!
As a most humble new member of the Seeking Perfect Rhyme and Rhythm group, I wonder if you'd allow me to express an opinion about a metric moment. Your rhyme is perfect to be sure. My only comment would be, possibly, about the fourth line of stanza 2. Because your metric pattern appears to be iambic, starting this line with a stressed syllable caused me to mis-read this line and interrupted the rhythm ever-so-slightly, IMHO, of course. Upon second read, of course, I compensated and gave it the correct pause but the first read was still interrupted and so I decided to mention it. Perhaps it's just me...
Other than that, I completely agree that In stanza 3, that a comma mid-line provides the perfect pause to keep the proper rhythm as stated in a previous comment.
I am at awe of your consistent talent, AliceinPoetryLand, and I pray that you will accept my suggestions as nothing more than my humble attempt to be useful in this group. I enjoyed this poem VERY much! Cheers!
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This is really moving. You described the willow beautifully - like a person.
You well deserved that Gold trophy!
You are quickly become a favourite poet of mine.
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Oh Gaylene, even you have surpassed yourself here.
The flow and rhythm is a work of art, I'm green with
envy that this is your poem and not mine....I love it.
Congratulations on the gold my friend, very well deserved.
Love Lu x
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Congratulations on a very well deserving gold. An amazing tale as to why the willow weeps, beautifully told in perfect rhyme and flow. A poem well worth the read ... thank you.
Sue
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This was great! Amazing rhyme and rhythm! I did notice, however, the second line in the third stanza seemed a bit unsteady in meter. Maybe I just didn't read it right, but it seemed off just a little. =]
It progressed thoughtfully and I loved the story! So sad, yet beautiful.
Lovely job! < -
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Hi and thanks for the lovely comment Aimee Yes I understand what yopu mean about that line I intentionally put that comma there so that there was just a slight pause and then I thought it rhymed okay.Thank you ahain for your help
Gaylene
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As Alice below said...this was simply enchanting, every line was just beautiful and flowed perfectly!!
I couldn't have put it more perfectly, it was a lovely poem beautifully written and I would say much deserving of a gold..Well done...Dan
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There's only one thing I like about this poem. EVERYTHING!
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this was simply enchanting, evey line was just beautiful and flowed perfectly!!
'Yet firm and broad that this tree was, her soul she wove so deep
and in the winds you'd hear her cries, as willow's leaves would weep.'
Beautiful!!
best luck for the contest!
Ali
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Absolutely beautiful! A tale of the source of the weeping willow's mourning done with the skill of a true wordsmith.
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Excellent
What a creative use of word bank. So very well expressed. Best of luck in the contest
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Wow! - I think you have done a brilliant job with this. I really enjoyed reading it. I loved the story and the whole feeling it gave out. It flowed effortlessly and reminded me that I really should visit your page more often.
Good luck in the contest - I am sure you will go far with this.
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