Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

The Parting Pain of One's Incest

           Attachment hast accustomed use,
        It could deep shame be lame excuse
        Sister, brother, eaves compare,
       Private sulks amongst despair.

   5           We sit in amble holding hands,
       The ease in which imprisoned stands,
       Its shallow roots in foothold grip
       No subterfuge could less equip.

      That we should take to passing time,
10         Arousing all suspicious crime;
      As innocence protrudes the bud
      From whence it came the rush of blood;

      How known to others can be made
      in half width envy's serenade;
15        To seek bewildered, not too sure,
      which stained the half so rightly pure;

      It felt beneath as if we did,
      The wished for state that if we hid:
      These pleasures may they move by force,
20        
 Evasive offers some resource.


      Tho' while the brief affair with fate,
      Has argued since our present state:
      To parting may have moved the brief,
      But bitter taste of much relief.

25       How felt does this, the scar it prints 
      To blemish long enough and since,
      Like death does this compare we do,
      believe that non-conceived are true!

Author notes

prompt inspired. 1. The Passionate Shepherd To His Love

A contest entry

what do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Titus gold member
    November 19
    Edit | Reply
    Where there is leaving much to the imagination, it must be said with regards to incest, it isn't pretty, but it does happen. Where this is, we should not infringe the deep saddened guilt which I have brought sublte amounts in this piece. I will not encourage the act of incest, an where it does happen, I hope I have hinted enough and not made it damned obvious that a brother and sister have got it on so to speak! I guess, by those comments, that entirely true and how sad is that! Where their was the Romance and Drama I hope I have encouraged you to add feelings to some emotions.


  • Titus gold member
    November 6
    Edit | Reply
    thank you all, a plain background, some tiny changes to a perilous subject matter. Titus


  • Kokaze
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    First off, I don't mean to be rude, but I think you'd have actually been better off without a background. The pictures on the side are a bit distracting. On a happier note, this piece really paints a vivid emotional picture. Very, very well done.

  • Bob Fox
    November 5

    Edit | Reply

    My

    A tough subject for sure. The pucture is pretty well painted. The idea somewhat foreign to me. But the rhyme and style just excellent poet. Well done.


  • SkyScraper Soul
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    it's a little too fancy and formal for my tastes. But that's just me. Sorry.


  • Debbydoes
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    sigh, it's so hard to comment on your poems. This is a very dark subject to address. The poem is well written with a couple of issues with word usage, such as:
    line 16 to seek bewilders not too sure.

    Looking at this line again and again, I'm thinking that just may work if you put a comma between bewilders and not.

    line 21 should maybe be evasion instead of evasive?


    line 27: How felt does this? (makes no sense)


    the overall effect of the poem and the style in which it is written is good, very good!


  • taoareyou
    November 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is the first of your writings I have read and I applaud you attention to style. I will have to go back and read some other of your writings. I did notice a spelling error, I believe you meant "protrudes" and not "protudes".


  • Twilight-Mist
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    It has a nice poetic flow. Deep. I like it.


  • Katethevampire
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    i like it.. i like it alot..


  • Misskaoz
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Very poetic write. I can honestly say two things about your poem. I love the flow and I had no idea what you were talking about. Not that I was lost on the vocabulary, just that I agree with another reader, it was reminiscent of an older language. That have made it harder to follow. I will definitely give it another read another day, as I may be just too tired right now to fully comprehend it. I'll be back.:-)


    Keep on writing and I will keep on reading.



  • Inconspicuous.
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Once again, your vocabulary brings back the nostalgia of the english language. For some reason though, I had trouble following this particular piece. I'm not sure why. Maybe i'm just an idiot lol.


  • Kastor
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    You know, like words we use today.

  • interesting more and more each time i read one of your poems, i kind of don't know where i have been but i know i like it, keep it flowing and congrads on the bronze.


  • spideracer gold member
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    ''subtlefuge'', is that a word and what's it mean? Here in this line ''It could deep shame be lame excuse'', very poetic or...not really sure. In translation I think it means ''Could this deep shame be a lame excuse'', or something like that. You seem to have an unusual way of writing, one that is poetic yet different to what I'm used to. Still it is well written even if not easily understod. For surely it be a poem that requires more then a few reads, such is the nature of your poem, and that's a good thing when you can write in such a way that people want to read your poem over and over, and sometimes to just try understand it better. That to me is a sign of a true poet. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your bronze trophy win.


  • oldschoolhero gold member
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    As innocence protudes the bud
    From whence it came the rush of blood;


  • Denerica silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... this is deep, captured the essence nicely, the form the border pics of your page even depict the mood, death of innocence stolen through such an act. Thanks for entering...Blessings.


  • lonestar silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    You pen with a master's hand, with such passion and compassion that flows from your soul. Could comment further, but you lost me at intercourse.
    ~steve~

1 - 17 of 17