I have noticed
envy rises from the ashes
where the phoenix died.
And even this autumn leaf would dance,
but stays in silent solitude
lest it disturb the status quo.
The hush of night brings no respite
as thoughts and feeling tumble
in the vortex of a sigh.
How can they know my heart?
they have never known its beat,
but I was never craven
I don't know the word defeat.
A contest entry
- Observation by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended November 11, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I agree with Tegan's commentary regarding the last stanza. Other than that though, this has very strong content.
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5
I didn't care much for the last stanza, but then again, I'm a stickler about end line-rhyme. However, the rest of the piece was absolutely fantastic. -
I especially liked your last two stanzas, Scribe. Envy is an awful creature of habit, it seems. It always rears its ugly head when least expected, doesn't it? Good luck in the contest, Sweetie. 
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Very clear and clean observation here....we all suffer from envy ...I love your last two stanzas the most ...Wonderful poetry
Erwin
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Tightly organised and well-worded - I enjoyed reading this entry.
Good one,
Bill
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