start:
in the prelude of my lonely musing, I
was the tail of the last meteor shower,
a little too late
Winter:
(I blinked
into wakefulness)
I thought myself to be long lost;
lifeless heart,
incapable of being recharged,
rested between lead plates.
Corroded and broken,
I was in a
state of sulfation,
but your hands reached out to me,
and then I was submerged
into an
electrolyte solution.
Time passed by slowly,
I counted in ampere-hours,
and the deep cycle of my existence,
ignited in your engine anew.
(I
dared
not
close
my
eyes)
Spring:
(I floated in a
subconscious state)
I introduced you to the
sweetness of my sounds
as you maximized my potential
into kinetics;
Ohm's Law became just
the current flow
of our new relationship,
as we progressed over melting snow,
never minding
the sodium chloride,
crunching underneath the wheels.
When it rained,
I envied the lightning,
and your heart became
an indicator of my voltage.
(I
questioned
your
motives)
Summer:
(You taught me
efficiency)
I was cathode to your anode,
we were chemically connected;
but this open circuit became just foreplay,
when love grew acidic.
Underneath the apple orchard,
we learned what
Newton never knew,
specific gravity determined this
growing charge attraction,
and we dared
not regulate it.
Before buttercups bloomed,
you stole seed crystals,
imitation of blanc fixe,
and wrapped me in used bandages.
(You
took
me
to
more
roads)
Autumn:
(You were primary,
and I was secondary)
I was the shelter,
often forgotten until the storm,
then I was just storage,
satisfying service life of 100 cycles.
Through this old forgotten trail,
I followed you in
your golf cart
as you showed me changing colors,
and I wondered if it
was a metaphor
for your growing apathy.
The season ended,
and I was replaced,
by the ultracapacitor for your hybrid;
but at least I was recycled.
(You
intercepted
the
excepted...
and in the aftermath of the four seasons, I
became the exploding star,
a little too soon
stop.
Author notes
1. personify a car battery
2. a free verse poem of 100 lines in total length.
3. http://xxxamyxxx.deviantart.com/art/You-take-my-breath-away-43143959 [You take my breath away by ~xXxAmyxXx]
4.
3 examples of alliteration:
line 9-10: long lost; lifeless
line 66: Before buttercups bloomed
line 81-82: storage, satisfying service
1 example of consonance:
line 95-97: intercepted the excepted
reference for winter:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Car_battery
*recharged
*lead plates
*corroded
*sulfation
*electrolyte solution
*ampere-hour
*deep cycle
reference for spring:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ohm%27s_law
*potential
*kinetics
*Ohm's Law
*current
*flow
*voltage
reference for summer:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lead-acid_battery
*efficiency
*cathode
*anode
*open circuit
*specific gravity
*charge
*seed crystals
*blanc fixe
reference for autumn:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rechargeable_battery
*primary
*secondary
*storage
*service life
*golf cart
*ultracapacitor
*hybrid
*recycled
(note on line count: the line count button began the poem at line 2 so it ended at line 101)
A contest entry
- The Ultimate La-La Challenge: Round 9 - Top Nine by Laura Lamarca.
1150 points, ended November 5, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personify by silverscent.
700 points, ended November 25, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Wow
I can see why this one a silver. it is amazing. You sure shined with this one. Congratulations
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this was fantastic.
Autumn:
(You were primary,
and I was secondary)
I was the shelter,
often forgotten until the storm,
then I was just storage,
satisfying service life of 100 cycles.
simply amazing, good luck in the contest!
-
nice.
-
Very well done, I dont know what the heck I would have done with your set of criteria in this round.
You did a wonderful job with it, best of luck to you... Scott 
-
running on full power; coming to a complete stop
First impression: 10/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 9/10
Flow: 9/10
Cohesion: 4/5
Use of stipulated poetic device and personification: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Write's "profound" effect: 8/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 10/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 110/115
This has to be the most romantic car battery in the world.
I will have much more respect when I look under the hood in the future.
I am impressed with the creativity expressed in this poem, but found the line breaks a bit distracting. However, I do understand good use of line breaks for emphasis.
I loved the beginning and ending. Perfect for a battery. This will stay with me for quite some time. Well done. I enjoyed this very much. ~Pamela 
-
running on full power:
First impression: 9/10
Relative to prompt: 10/10
Creativity with prompt: 10/10
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 10/10
Flow: 9/10
Cohesion: 5/5
Use of stipulated poetic device and personification: 10/10
Poet's personal effort: 10/10
Write's "profound" effect: 9/10
Rules followed: 5/5
Last impression: 9/10
Extra credit points:
Sportsmanship to fellow competitors: 5/5
Points for stepping away from comfort zone: 5/5
Respectful behaviour towards judges at all times: 5/5
Total score: 111/115
i'm not crazy about the formatting, so i copy/pasted it into word & left-aligned it all...for me, that worked much better.
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I loved this; I thought by glance at the format, that I might get tired of it quickly, but I didn't, at all. I am not sure I like the 'start' & 'stop' but I know why they are there and they give a feel to this poem. The end one does give the poem an abrupt stop, that I think works well, though. I'm amazed by this and your theme worked well
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I am a fan of E.E. Cummings and I can tell that you are too. Great poem, really! I was completely captured in the imagery and the details. You have a great talent of stringing the right words together.
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What a great way to make this your own! Im very impressed by the way you have taken this and created something interesting and deep to enjoy. Love the way you encorporate all the vocab for a battery- gives it an authenticity and texture. I'll say it again! -- I love the way you write!
Kris
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I'm not a fan of paranthesis, but perhaps that's just personal preference. Besides that, I think you took a risk here by doing a new style. What made it work (for me) is that it still stays true to your voice. You've done something different, and that alone makes this more interesting. Good luck.
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I just love this and the way you used all that battery specific language in this makes it even more amazing! To me, this is the best you have written so far. It's so very clever and so well thought out! Excellent in the personification too. Must have taken you an age to write!! I also like this formatting
Best wishes in this round. You'll do well I think
Gaylene 
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Never thought I would find a car battery so interesting. The use of scientific terms added to the depth and the formatting kept my interest.
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I adore your formatting of this most impressive piece of work, Sweetie. Good luck in the contest, my Friend.
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>.< I FREAKING LOVE poems that have science in them; love the way you tied the beginning and ending together so neatly; I've always wanted to be able to do that!
words/phrases I loved how you used:
corroded and broken;
electrolyte solution;
I counted in ampere-hours;
Ohm's Law
indicator of my voltage;
cathode & anode;
what Newton never knew;
ultracapacitor for your hybrid;
and again, lovelovelove the shooting star, start and stop ideas;
and your AN intrigued me; annnnd you better get a shiny trophy for this one
and you rock!
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Wow, you did a lovely job! I enjoyed the trip through the season, and how you used them as brilliant metaphors, sis!
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This is quite the Epic!!!
too many fav lines to quote.
Wonderfull.
Ken
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