Do You Know

Do you know that I secretly cry and tear myself to shreds every night?
Do you know for every smile I forcefully press against my face
a slit is placed upon my skin?
Do you know that every word you say pierces my heart
and push me closer to death?
Do you know sometimes I no longer care if I live or die?
Do you know that my loneliness engulfs my life, my heart, my soul
leaving nothing left of my world?
I just want to let go.
Death seems to be my only way to break free.
Do you know that I blame myself for the abuse
that I somehow caused and believe I deserved?
Do you know the pain I feel everyday
is caused by the voices telling me to kill myself because I'm worthless?
NO
You haven't the slightest clue.
You say I'm lazy.
You say I'm selfish.
Do you know what keeps me here?
What keeps me from taking that drink, swallowing those pills?
The disappointment on you face.
The thought of the sadness in you heart and the pain it might cause you.
So don't say I don't care.
I care so much that it hurts.
Do you think you could handle the truth?
Could you handle the pain that I feel?
Do you know as I sit here and stare at my scars
I think living life is like living hell?
Do you know that every day I wonder
if you life would be better without me?
Do you know about the urges that are constantly haunting me
leaving me feeling torn and out of control?
Do you know what it's like going through ten different emotions
in less than three minutes time?
Do you know what it's like to be told
you're fake, a liar, and your emotions aren't real?
Did you ever consider that my cuts and burns
are an escape,
an escape from you and from life?
Depression is part of my daily life.
But you don't know that do you?
You are ignorant,
and you will never understand.