Alas Amanda! I missed you as you went inside the library.
I shall see you again.
I shall speak to you.
I shall see your fair face.
I shall gaze into your eyes.
I shall greet you with a warm hello.
I shall your pretty freckles and smile inside when I see you.
Author notes
This is a poem written about my life and feeings. Amanda is a girl I know from a long time ago in middle school and who I recently saw in college. After seeing her in college I got inspired to write this poem for, and about her. And I will I promise speak to her and see her.
What do you think? Does my poem provoke emotion?
Comments
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I don't know about beginning every subsequent line the same way, I feel like it works against the poem's quality. The emotion herein expressed is definitely relative to anybody with feelings in general - I think, to make this poem really stand out, you should expand it's content. A stanza concerning middle school, a stanza concerning the emotion felt in-between, and then a stanza dealing with how you felt seeing her recently. That, guaranteed, would provoke an extent of emotion in even the coldest of readers. Also, one last note, it reads like there's something missing in that last line, "I shall... your pretty freckles..." You shall ____ her lovely freckles?
I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit! Keep writing, the emotion you're feeling can birth really good quality poetry! -
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Hello and thanks
Hello and thanks for the feedback. I agree with you, I could write a stanza about middle school, I have a lot to write about middle school with her, and a stanza about feeling in between when I did not see or hear her, and of course the recent encounter. It is a good suggestion. I will try and do it and see how it goes. And you are correct. I forget to add the word see in "the last line". Thanks for catching that. Thanks again, and have a great day.
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