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you exclaim to all the world



good morning,

i know you are
still upset about
last night and i am
truly sorry like
always.

in some ways it
is purposeful;
i think "what is this
mess i've created?" and then
what the hell-

why not?

but mostly i am
devastated. i am
not enough ingredients
to bake such faithfulness,

and babe, you
deserve more.

not a whore with
haughty eyes, with
lies causing cavities of
rotting bone.

"i know you didn't
mean it" you say,
like it's okay. like
can we just have sex
and forget it?

and sure. yeah we can.
because you can't
stand the tension
i cause you.

because there are
earthquakes and hurricanes
and world floods that
make us look like
washed-up jellyfish;
you secretly wish
i would change.

but until then
you'll love this
monstrosity.                   (!)

Author notes

zillion

A contest entry

be honest. I won't put you on my ignore list. :)

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • ParadoxVictory85
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    It was self-involved to me but the idea doesn't get lost. Not that sex isn't the answer to all lifes problems, lol. Anyway the keen objective gave a world of change to me atleast. My fav part: "make us look like
    washed-up jellyfish;
    you secretly wish
    i would change.". Many thanks for the thoughts!


  • The-Phoenix
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    You never fail to hold my interest.
    You never fail to make me think "damn. this girl is good."

    There is something almost heartbeat like about your poetry when read out loud. And with this one, the heart beat speeds up the more you read. Like an aching rush to finish a painful conversation. Like the stakes are high and the tension is higher.

    You somehow mix bluntness and metaphor and make it balance. Which is hard to do. It's like balancing and egg on the tip of a knife. You do it perfectly. No egg yokes on the floor for you.

    Amazing.


    • zillion
      November 1
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much. my biggest fear is becoming a boring poet. I pride myself in being slightly awkward.


  • acoustical
    November 1
    Edit | Reply
    WHOAAA
    i like the tone.

    and your word choice is always superb.


  • girl shaman
    November 1

    Edit | Reply
    wow.
    well honestly, that was well versed. i seem to suck at commenting lately so please do excuse the few words, but i am as of late a girl of few words, but truly you inspire me and have always inspired me to edit edit edit until i at least can say i tried hard enough to express myself as honestly as you do. this was a great piece being that i too feel inadequate for the person i am with but they do still love us keep writing !!

1 - 5 of 5