Undeterred on their wispy ride
From dirt to air they glide
On the dying trees they hide
Through honking traffic they stride
Ceremoniously lifting with the current
Skydiving from rooftops as a torrent
In coil dance that looks inherent
A driven purpose feels apparent
Coming to rest in the city’s trees
Overtaking them like crime sprees
Donning the black of thieves
The Raven’s songs are dry as leaves
Author notes
Driving through town today, I saw what seemed to be thousands of Ravens flying through the air and landing in trees; taking off as if on cue...from the now almost bare trees clothed mostly with them (the Ravens)...only to go bare again when they took flight. They did incredible aerial displays and I just needed to glimpse it long enough to come home and have a go at a description of some of what it seemed like to me.
Thanks for the visit and read.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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not much to say that hasn't all ready been seen but I could see theshow they put on from your words great poem
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It's wonderful to hear from you again and it's great to know that you could appreciate this piece. Thank you very much for reading, commenting and your kindness here. Yeah, if you could have seen that sight you'd know how poorly I captured it in writing but I'm moved by your praise for this poem.
AsIThink...
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The woods are plentiful in my neighborhood and I have seen the acrobatics you have so eloquently rhymed in this wonderful picturesque poetry. The splendor in the dance of the birds is magical to me for I am a descendant of the Choctaw Nation- The Bird Clan... I enjoy natural events such as these. Your poem was a delight to read, to inhale... I am glad I came by this evening
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Hello sis. So good to see you again. By now you probably know that I am hardly on these days so please overlook my late response to you. Having said that, thank you very much for such gracious feedback (as always). You always do leave such insightful comments. And what a funny thing that you'd read this one and see the wonderful things that you did (knowing your own rich ) background - wow. I honestly thank you very much for such glowing appreciation from you. I glad that you stopped by too.
AsIThink...
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Yep, well, crows and starlings
..here. Neat and itself wispy description- v nice. Do you not think that fourth line would go better as 'And through honking traffic stride'? Previous lines are all iambic, this would keep that going. No? I don't suppose I would change either!
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Thanks for your insightful comments abu nuwas. I really appreciate you stopping by to read this. What you say may be correct; it's just that I hadn't really thought it out to be honest. I just looked at the lines you mentioned. I don't think I want "And" there at this time but I might play with that line you pointed out. I always appreciate positive feedback and am grateful that you extend yours here.
AsIThink...
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WOW
It reads of a spectacular sight to behold, and makes me jealous i haven't been privy to much of these types of natural scenes in a hot minute!
but i'm sure glad you are, so keep 'recording' what you witness in nature and transferring it to virtual page, and NO ONE WILL GET HURT! l.o.l.
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Swan I always love to see your profile here (lol). Thanks for always inspiring me to keep going on and (those 'not-so-veiled threats') spurring me onward. hahaha. You know like I know, that to look at what's around you is itself a blessing -BUT to really, really SEE what's around us: now THAT is something I'm trying to reach. Thanks again kid.
AsIThink...
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Oh I really loved this poem, to me, the best reads are the writes that were inspired and the author couldn't wait to put them down, some of the came across as you read it - even before the notes below. Anyway, I just enjoyed the imagery and the flow of the work as a whole.
I particuarlly enjoyed these lines....
In coil dance that looks inherent
A driven purpose feels apparent
It just adds alot of character to the poem, great work!
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Hello Melissa. I'm very humbled by your take on this piece. And thanks for being the first to read and comment on it as well. I'm so happy that you loved this. What you said just now really made me feel you appreciation so much. Thank you for reading this piece and for leaving such an inspiring comment. And I'm glad about all that you saw in this as well.
AsIThink...
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