My Dad died this morning
in a place he did not want to be.
His legacy, one 2 x 5 closet full of well worn shirts,
some sweat pants, pajama bottoms and a pair of shoes.
The fruits from 85 years of pain and toil upon this Earth.
Some more things in the second drawer...
We pack them in boxes , wondering what to do with them.
Seems profoundly sad to me.
Last night I talked with him,
while he still knew who I was.
I spoke of the times we used to go fishing at the lake
and he smiled. We talked about football...
about the weather...
small talk we had made a thousand times before.
I told him I loved him.
He said he loved me too.
You could see the fear in his eyes.
A half hour or so later he was incoherently crying out
" Mom...
Mom...
Please help me "
I patted his arm and it calmed him for a while.
This is the man who was afraid of nothing...
this echo of my Father
I sat beside his bed through the darkness
watching his face turn pale...
listening as his breaths became more labored ...
until morning
holding his hand
one last gasp for air
and he was gone
The finality of it boggles the mind.
and now....
we pack up all that is left
into
boxes.
Author notes
Roses at your feet Dad, I love you
Please tell me what you think
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I think.
I think I hate life.
Because of being beat to death.
Not in a literal sense, but I'd much sooner die than have to see others get there first.
Which in turn is a nuissance.
Why should I beat those I care about, when in turn they care about me?
Guess that's all I've got to say.
I would say sorry.
But no ammount of "sorry"s will ever make it better.
I always find myself saying, what are they sorry for? When people do say it to me about my Dad, when in any actuality, you can never be sorry for something you don't know, and even when you do know it, you know when sorry just isn't good enough.
So, Live well, buddy, be happy you knew he loved you.
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honey I know how you feel.. I have gone through the same holding their hand until the last breath.. cried sadness on the soul.. but in heaven their spirit soars for like the eagle his is in heavens throws... bless you hun always you are in my prayers always Hugs Angel♥
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just a suggestion ... give his things to a shelter for the homeless. They will be much appreciated and given without charge to someone in need. speaking of the homeless, our son is visiting ... he is making progress and doing well. He will soon be in his own place.
He was depressed the other night because he's lonely. He said, "I'm going to die alone and with nothing" I felt so sad because he sounded hopeless. The next day he got an unexpected bounty of cash ... about 2 grand. He called and made sure it wasn't a mistake he'd have to return and then went to the bank and withdrew some cash to give his dad. Now if only he could meet someone who would banish the lonliness ... Whatever you do, don't try to drown your sorrows. Sorrows float. Oh and he bought himself a laptop. Hey, it's a step up. Now he'll die alone but with a laptop ...
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My deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss
this piece is amazing; vividly intense, you lay it all bare without sugar coating and it adds to the emotions - very moving
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this is the first piece I've ever seen you write that didn't rhyme. The feeling is deep and lets us into your heart. you should write more free verse ... although fraught with sadness it is a wonderful write.
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ahh Raker I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I know that death even when expected always comes as a shock and brings deep unhappiness. The only positive thing I can think of to say is that at least you were there and you got to say goodbye ... again, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I love you. *hugs* (((((raker)))))
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