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Silent Rendition




She is a modern day Cinderella,
scrubbing and scraping and singing
of somewhere over rainbows.

Her clothes are all bleached, graced
with holes, tattered with age,
her hair a mass of wild curls, and she
keeps singing, and singing, and fucking
singing of happy, of home, of his
feigned acts of affection;

and her song is a silent rendition of
what happens when he leaves her
too long alone.

She wrote a new song today. Hummed
the tune from a bellyful
of beautiful indifference, and her notes
rose to a pitch he was sure to hear.








Author notes


Failure in love?

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    November 9

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    This is an awesome piece. I absolutely love that last stanza, and the way you used Cinderella was brilliant, it painted things so perfectly. Thanks for entering my contest.


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply

    Your final stanza says it best of all, Sweetie. No, 'tis not a failure, merely another evolution in human relationships. Good luck in the contest, my Friend.




  • crivanea silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    oh....what a poem! this one was so intense...i never liked cinderalla..lol..i preferred beauty/beast....but such lovely poetic words used here


  • Not-The-Sun
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    wow I love what you did with the typical cinderella story here! incredibly creative!

    loved this part a lot:
    "and her song is a silent rendition of
    what happens when he leaves her
    too long alone."

    and the last line!! good luck in the contest : )


  • Ken-Maverick
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    "Hummed
    the tune from a bellyful
    of beautiful indifference, and her notes
    rose to a pitch he was sure to hear." <---This is so clevery worded.
    Shaweetly penned buddy.

    Ken


  • pixiestix gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    This poem really made me sad thinking of how it feels to be taken for granted in general and that the sacrafices we make and all we do in general goes unnoticed. Thinking also that indifference can be a coping mechanism hoping that it won't hurt as much when in fact it still does and spirals us further down that road . I think in some cases it's more like a failure of communication than love but if allowed to continue that's where it leads.

    I had a lot to say on this one. Great write here. Good luck in the contest.


  • Cannonsfire
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    There is that line that so inspires 'bellyful of beautiful' you just give me so many idea's that I think you may become my muse lol careful you won't get any sleep at all if that happens

1 - 9 of 9