Barren are my thoughts as fallow are my hands
Lifetimes pass and go, yet here I will stand
The sun takes its orbit and the wind changes courses
All around me the dirt is piling up corpses
The rivers run dry and become lonely deserts
I watch in horror as desperate times lead to desperate measures
The warm summer creeps up and with it comes stuffy bitterness
Grudges are unresolved with a sugar coated kiss
I weep but I'm defiant
I speak but I am silent
The roar of the ocean is the echo of my tongue
When branches freeze in the winter, that's me tired and numb
A contest entry
- Collaborations? by PureCountry.
675 points, ended November 13, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
Intense!
Wow....I'm wondering if I was this disenchanted with life at your age. You're certainly not "Invisible" in this write. This is so emotional it's palpable. 
You wrote this with great imagery & potent feeling. I love 
this line:
The roar of the ocean is the echo of my tongue
That's far from silent! Interesting the way you end this poem, it dovetails the scene of the poem I just asked you to read.
BTW: All the best in the Contest!
-
Powerful Imagery
through your creative literary devices abounds throughout. I am left wishing for more, yet grateful for the chance to partake in this shortened but emphatic statement of verse.
Thank you for your entry and Best of Luck in the contest.
-
wow...
this is rly rly good...
-
I love the rhyme in this piece, let me say that right away. The imagery also, I could imagine what was happening in every line. I wonder if you could play around with line 6, the desperate times and measures? Although I love it, I believe that maybe you could make it better, and still keep the rhyme. Overall, I enjoyed this piece. Excellent write and thank you for sharing!
-
-
Thank you.
-
-
What I particularly love are these lines:"Barren are my thoughts as fallow are my hands", "I weep but I'm defiant/I speak but I am silent" and "The roar of the ocean is the echo of my tongue" . These lines are SO powerful.
-
your poem was beautiful. it had amazing imagery in here. great work!!
-
What a wonderful poem full of imagery and metaphor. The depth of feeling is complex and compelling and I love the form this poem is in. Well done dear poet Write On!
Dennis
-
What more can you do? seems exellent to me under constuction hmm sounds like your building a new tower to protect yourself or something
ohh and who's the lucky colab then this I cant wait to see when finished but you know it looks darn good now lol xx
-
-
Just a bit longer.
-
-
aye maybe longer just set the same way? aye would work, could and should work let me know when its done you know I love your writes keep them flowing xx
-
-
-
Your poems are really amazing, y'know. This one was absolutely brilliant. The imagery is stunning. Great job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
