in yet another dream
he was there
his face, road etched and
shoulders, mountains above which
four dozen birds swelled and shifted in unison
i was there too
calm inside
the map of his eyes
m
Author notes
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do me.
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Perfect title
Draws em in to the read...but I knew right away, knowing you, that it was indeed a finished and titled product of your fabulous mind. Wonderful poetry Mary. I could go on and on but everyone below me has stated what I feel...Love the map of his eyes...spectacular line!!
Write on sister
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Beautiful! Wonderful! Great Work!!!
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Wow. I don't know anything about this one being finished or unfinished but I do think it' s just beautiful the way it is. I like how it slow stretches out it's meaning little by little to great this bigger thing. It was the second and the third stanzas that really brought beauty to this. Lestways, that's my thoughts on it.
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I like the title as it is, i would keep it...
it is a beautiful poem, the final stanza is so damn good
al
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LOL.. oh good.. because that is and has always been the title.. just not everyone understood that.. glad you do.
thanks so much Al.. so i heard something about a game last night?.. yankees what? -
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the yankees win that's what...
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that's like baseball or sumfin' right?
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it's been berry berry good to me...
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beautiful poetry
I love the way you use imagery...not only is it seen, but it's felt.
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Awesome ! Your work is different and unique and always a plesure to read!
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Meow. This is irresistable. - The Manatee
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Provocative thought, that, " ... map of his eyes", implies directions and destinations, the beginning of something right there at the end of the poem.
Dreaming gives us such liberty, freedom to skip the principle of beginning, middle, end
Part of me hopes that your title is just a title and not a declaration that the words below it are simply the middle of a future poem or fragments of it.
Leaving convention behind is so exciting.
Not sure I'm processing the birds above his shoulders correctly. I'm thiking pigeons/statue even though the "mountains" imply a work of nature, not man.
Sorry to babble but this is most engaging.
Thanks for it, Cat.
Tom
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i really love this comment.. thank you
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i love your poetry. i'm always checking your page for new poems when i feel like reading.
thanks for writing...
the title makes me think of how dreams are untitled and unfinished.
i love how you feel calm in the map of his eyes...how when we see people we haven't seen in a while in our dreams, don't we remember the feeling of seeing them when we wake up..?..it is such a powerful, calming feeling, if we love the person...
how you have imaged him as a traveler, makes me feel like he traveled to see you in a dream.
wonderful poetry Mary.
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he did...
thanks t.
miss you around here..
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gosh damn woman will you ever not cease to amaze me! great job! <3
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you're sweet.. thank you
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amazing mary. this is really really good
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thank you so much.
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*smiling*
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all inside the journey of a man and a lover of life... i love birds in poetry as you know..
they have beautiful wings and span of life
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a lover of life.. perfect
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we reckon time in many ways,
"how many years has it been since...
"has it been so long since...""
and yet our dreams remind us,
how time is unable to separate us from some things. I enjoyed this, mostly because i listen to dreams...PK
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I love the precise number of birds here, and the eerie dream-feeling your words evoke. The imagery of the final stanza is quite mesmerizing. Only in a dream can you see out and in at the same time. Unfinished? I'd love to see it again, when you are done.
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this is done..
the title is the actual title..
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beautifully done , simply with out a doubt beautifully done. keep it flowing
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noticed how travelling birds avoid winter?
formation flight in the asymmetry
of a perfect angle
you can't cut the sky otherwise -
beautifully done....
his shoulders were mountains above which
two dozen birds swelled and shifted in unison
amazing........
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Map of his eyes...I wonder how many roads we travel in them? Because we all do and sometimes that is what we remember the most...the journey C
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you never waste a single word, even BETWEEN the lines.
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thanks.. should the last two lines be a single line?
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I would consider doing it like-
content inside the map
of his eyes
But, you're better than I am, and I always get caught up in the "make 'em read it right aloud on the first readingness" sometimes to the detriment of the WRITTEN word.
Very strong poem; too good for the likes of me to fool around with it.
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i am no better than you!! i like your suggestion.. .. now i have to read it aloud fifty times to make my decision. thanks!
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