I Intervein Again

Perhaps I should explain the confusion on my face,
The reason the sunshine has hidden from this place.
If I were a computer, I’d sure need to be fixed,
So I could separate the feelings that I have mixed.

Blue eyes don’t always sparkle; they dull with clouds of grey,
My body wasn’t made from delicate clay.
My smile begins to falter, as I have always known;
My hopeless insecurities will leave me here alone.

Listening to myself, throwing doubts crammed with contempt,
I batter myself down with every last attempt,
To fill my heart with love, instead of spiteful fear,
As it claws at my sore throat like that one-too-many beer.

You just never will understand, never comprehend,
These consuming emotions that tear at my split ends.
I struggle to breathe, trying to reason it all out,
But this confusing torture will always leave me without.

Perhaps I should explain why we’re circling the drain,
Why my moods have turned erratically insane,
Why again tonight, I just cannot look up at you,
Or convince my jaded heart that we might just stumble through.

But perhaps I still don’t know why, still just don’t know why,
I’d rather sit alone and ponder the night sky,
Or why I shudder here, slowly dissolving again,
Knowing this poison is quickly building in my veins.