Portraits convey the strength
Aggression
and contentment . . .
Of those who are not yourself
Create images of what you await
But always left broken and alone
The lark no longer sings . . .
The sun no longer rises
Painting pictures of days gone by
Hoping
Wishing . . .
And dying
A professional liar
Amateur flier
Forever fallen . . .
Reflections of your broken artist.
Author notes
For Adelida T.
I believe this is my third or fourth atempt at a free write and im a little paranoid about it, so your honesty and critiques would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. =]
Not great, but ok.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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this is interesting. free writes let you explore and you do that here really well. it comes together nicely with coherent imagery. fear not for this is excellent.
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Ah! Thanks so much. Im
glad you liked it. =] In truth
im still a little ify about
my free writes.
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whoa this is wicked as mate! really loved the flow...i think its the flow...i donno, it flowed to me really nicely anyways! and the meaning behind it is brilliant, such an elegant way to put things...
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Thank you so much. =]
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i like this! it's pretty depressing and gives the reader the feeling of being right in the room with the saddened artist.
did you mean to spell "flier" or were you trying to say "flyer"?
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Thanks buster! =]
Umm yea, I kind of
had to look that up when
I wrote this because flier
and flyer are two different things.
Flyer is like those papers people
pass out and flier is incorporated
with actual flight. -
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oh, okayy i get it now
i have learned a new word!
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or may be you are right....just to put a twist..or to make it obscure...we often complicate the simple truth...perhaps its best to leave this as it is....
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some time an artist is not broken, just lost what was inside...fire dies down...fallen forever, or may be just lost....painting the days long gone or days that shall never arrive... this is a very interesting write..... but honestly last line needs more attention....may be a bit more twist.
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That's what I had thought too,
but every time I did something
to bring more emphasis to that
last line, it would sound unatural
or just wrong, so I decided to leave
it as is. Thank you for you're honest opinon.
=]
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Very Good Write however in the 3rd stanza I would change the, "meaning the sun no longer rises" to the sun no longer rises let the reader discover the meaning. It opens up imagery instead of telling the reader what to think...that would be the only thing I would change.
Beautiful poem though keep up the good work : -
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Thank you and I think you're right.
I will change that. =]
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Nice... but sorry for your hurt feellings... I hate people that is not true..
JackReed3...
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I think you should think of which tense would be best for this, I found it a bit out of place, for me, take off the 'ing' and is it 'contentment' instead of 'content.' the rest seems okay.
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That's really really good. I don't quite know what it is, but it just popped out. It.. I don't know! But it's AMAZINGG!! Keep up the good work!
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Different, but still I liked it. You portrayed your emotions well in this piece and got everything out onto the page I managed to also build up afew pictures after reading some lines
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I like it. However, I didn't like it with this line "Meaning the sun no longer rises". Something about it sounds wrong when read aloud. I loved the end.
Definitely better than OK.
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