i.
some days, i can almost fall. if i close my eyes for long enough, i can look down into that abyss of forget and nostalgia and remember what it was like to sit on a park bench in november. what it felt like every time i noticed that your right eyebrow was higher than your left. i can almost remember the way i believed that if you wanted something badly enough, you deserved it. the way i didn't believe in euthanasia or sundays because i thought it was wrong to kill and i thought that god never rested.
i can almost remember what it felt like to believe you loved me.
ii.
sometimes i look at all the advertisements with purple heartache skies in dollar magazines, and i remind myself that there are a million things that i haven't seen yet. a million things you haven't seen yet. that there are six billion beautiful people who have stories to tell me. people i could possibly love.
then i breathe. and breathe.
and know that it will never change.
iii.
winters are hard.
it's when trees smell like anticipation, but then there's that sinking feeling of nothing.
it's when i spend afternoons doing one-thousand piece puzzles, listening to music that i know will never let me forget.
it's when stars fall to the earth in heaps.
it's when people avert their eyes.
it's when i think of you.
iv.
as the last of many
minutes
by our thirty-second hand
turn over.
i'm still breathing.
Author notes
i'm not sure this is what you want, but it's what i got from reading the lyrics.
c i r q u e
d u
s o l e i l
- The People of Prose group list • next in list
A contest entry
- I'm Still Breathing by Auburn Sunrise.
700 points, ended November 13, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please help me make this better!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I really love this. The descriptions are beautiful and it's easy to feel the emotions here. I love the little details and the imagery that they create. This is just wonderfully written. I can't think of anymore to say.
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Whatever you get from reading the lyrics is what I want... and I love how you completely made this your own by giving it a different edge.
It seems that the lover is gone and she's left to try to live her life in your poem, which truly makes sense.
Love the ending... and your descriptions are fabulous!
Thank you for entering!
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this is so good it's ridiculous. with purple heartache skies in dollar magazines. wow. when stars fall to the earth in heaps. wow. when people avert their eyes, it's when I think of you. wow. and everything in iv. was great. simply fantastic stuff. loved it. and your i. was just an incredible opening to this piece. congratulations! i don't know what else to say and nothing i've said really said how good this is. words failed me but you've given me so much emotions. wow.
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yeah! what he said! lol
This is really what I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words (I'm not doing so hot on comments tonight - sorry).
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brilliant, brilliant title.
and an absolutely amazing poem.
This is how I wish I was able to write,
but I am just a dreamer
W o w . . . .
I am just blown away
Best of luck in the contest.
Zach Estel
s
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I think this is so beautiful. Even though it's sad and bittersweet at the same time, I adored the words you used. Well done, I loved it. Enough said.
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doesn't feel natural.
ex ) i can look down into that abyss of forget and nostalgia and remember what it was like to sit on a park bench in november.
what's poetic to you isn't necessarily poetic to the reader; you need to write in a way the reader will understand and >feel<.
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Such a mesmerizing piece that says so much that falls silently the reader. There seems to be a touch of sorrow here followed by a little hope and faith. You see two things at the same time. The sadness and the faith that maybe, just maybe things will be different, but then you fall again into that abyss which you write from. I really found this fascinating although it is not my style of writing. I wish oyu the very best in the contest.
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Oh my word. I needed something to read that would speak to me right now, and this does. I'm going through exactly this...ugh and it sucks but I'm still alive, I'm still breathing. Good luck in the contest, I really hope you do well. God Bless. -Liz
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i can look down into that abyss of forget-me-nots and nostalgia and remember what it was like to sit on a park bench in november.
-i think if you get rid of '-me-nots and' then that line will be epically original.
i can almost remember the way i believed that if you wanted something badly enough, you deserved it
-i LOOOOOOVVVEE that.
L
O
V
E
L
O
V
E
L
O
V
E.
huge, all consuming love that spreads and bursts.
all of 'ii' just makes me want to scream. it's so hiddenly painful. i don't even think hiddenly is a word but what the fuck, when something is that good you get to make up words to describe it.
wow.
i love you.
let's be honest.
i just love you so fucking much.
this is all so amazing.
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aww i love you too! <3
you are the sweetest.
i know i haven't commented on your stuff lately, because i've been swamped, but i will now
i removed the me nots. -
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pfft.
i know the feeling.
as long as you write i really don't care
:]
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When trees smell like anticipation and stars fall down in heaps. That is so full of imagination and vision. You truly are a poet, with such fantastic imagery. Beautifully written.
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"that your right eyebrow was higher than your left."
-i love that. would now be the right time to tell you my right eyebrow is actually higher than my left? no joke.
this is gorgeous. -
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really? that's awesome I know only two other people like that.
thanks
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