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The fire burning consumes all
Fallen embers light the night
Burning small suns into the eyes
The pinpricks all too bright.
The gauntlet thrown, the war declared
It tears across the years
Dragging down the innocent
With the guilty, drowned in tears
‘Tis only a girl, ‘tis only a boy
The forward years will tell
Such a small and simple act
And yet, the war is hell
The blood runs free, enriching earth
While destroying life above
The ones caught ‘twixt, no way out
Done in the name of ‘love’?
The Houses torn, the hope is lost
The sacrifice of honor slain
Who could have foretold, such a simple act,
The cause of years of pain.
He said “Come.” to one not his
She said “Yes.” in return
And so began the toll of years
When Houses then would burn.
The war tore on, destroying lives
Kindling the anger of those around
Dismayed to watch those of their own
Run down into the ground
And yet, hope sprang from the funeral pyre
Of Houses now near gone
Again, a girl, again, a boy
Would undo what had been done.
Their secret love defied the bounds
Set up by cruel hate
Those from afar, held their breath
And prayed it not too late
For, despite discord sown through the years
Their love held true and strong
The breath released by those who watched
The chance to right the wrong
Shaking himself and rousing now,
The Phoenix takes to flight
The Griffin follows, strong on wing
Loathe to lose the sight.
Their beauty fair is as the flame
That draws them like the moths
But, that which resides deep inside
Will cause a pledge of troths
For beauty fades and eyesight dims
And memory disappears
But, souls survive and carry deep
The stuff that lasts for years
Now, Phoenix rise, redeem the lost
Bring honor once again
And Griffin, catch him, renew yourselves
Redemption, the healing rain.
©2004
Author notes
Entered in the contest: Contest Narrative Poetry Please - REALLY BIG POINTS by CelticQueen
http://allpoetry.com/contest/2465223
A/N This is a poem based on the fiction ‘The Phoenix and the Griffin’ by Havetoist. (Posted at OSA) It is a "Romeo and Juliet" type of story with more blood and guts. I claim nothing concerning the characters nor the events depicted. I just felt the need to write the poem. With her blessing, of course. Thank you, Havetoist for the inspiration. I feel my poems are much better than my fiction (not to mention so much less work, lengthwise. Not to imply they are any less than fiction, just less time invested).
A contest entry
- Narrative Poetry Please - REALLY BIG POINTS by CelticQueen.
2250 points, ended October 31, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
A critical comment is invited
Comments
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Tis true there is little narrative in this poem but I must say that I fully enjoyed it. Yes, there are a couple of places I felt it ws a little weak, but over all you have written a truly enjoyable poem. It almost makes me want to read ‘The Phoenix and the Griffin’
The first three line of the next to final verse are I consider to be superbely said and oh so true.
So I thank you for writing a beautiful and enjoyable poem.
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This was beautiful to read, but where is the story itself? I would have loved to read a poem about the star-crossed lovers and how they broke convention. This was more a commentary on how the war over their indiscretion dragged on.
I will say again, it was beautiful and well-written, I will add. It just wasn't what I was looking for in particular for this contest. cq
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