Tumbled from my bed
Spilled onto the floor out of slumber
Cruely awaken unto your glaring eyes
That drag over my naked body - mocking
Grasping for sheet corners that don't cover
The lies so baldly exsposed
Despite myself - a shriek - like a bullet to the head
Wakes the boy in the bed
Twenty five, barely alive before noon
Awake and staring stupidly
Why does he have to be staring so stupidly?
You say nothing, only that dripping smirk
As you glance from me to him and back again
My mouth opens, closes, opens - fish out of water
Or, a girl out of bed
It seems enough for you to have done this
You turn to leave - I say your name
But I've got nothing!
I hold out a hand to you as if to prove this
Nothing!
But he seems to know that already
And leaves me naked, sitting on the floor
Sleep in my eyes, hair all astrew
And the boy in the bed, is staring, stupidly.
Author notes
Contest entry with emotions behind it
A contest entry
- Point Of View From Both Sides by Janetheplain.
475 points, ended November 16, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
It seems enough for you to have done this... brings more to this then what is said at first read. I like your style oh how I do. Been a long time missy
-
Very powerful, Mel! Wow....need a moment to digest all the awesomeness. I love the imagery and the scene that portrays is baffling and mind-stimulating. Love it.
-
Great use of language really lends to the flow of this piece, i'm drawn to the line
'and the boy in the bed is staring stupidly' it has an air of morrissey's lyrics about it i think its because it sounds quite mundane and yet poetic at the same time. It seems quite self effacing at the beginning, I find that endearing. Great write!
-
Wow, this brought up some interesting memories. Not quite the same situation, emotions were most likely close.
-
I always enjoy your writing . The emotion is there , great imagery.
"And the boy in the bed, is staring, stupidly"
So much was said in these few lines, andI liked when you asked does he have to stare so stupidly.
The fact that the third party in the room said nothing is just brilliant .Sometimes silence conveys so much more.
Great job as always. -
Well written
.... but it sounds as though someone overplayed their hand! I imagine you meant 'barely alive', yet 'barley' after a heavy evening would be good, as the grain from which various poisons are distilled.
-
A lot of emotion and strong imagery here. Yeah, I can't imagine what there could be left to say huh? Great way to provoke thought and evoke feelings. I read it twice to get the best feel for this and enjoyed it. Very good job; wonderful expressiveness here.
AsIThink...
-
Wow I can perfectly picture this scenario. Very strong poem/story.
Great write.
Best part:
"Grasping for sheet corners that don't cover
The lies so baldly exsposed
Despite myself - a shriek - like a bullet to the head
Wakes the boy in the bed
Twenty five, barley alive before noon
Awake and staring stupidly
Why does he have to be staring so stupidly?
You say nothing, only that dripping smirk
As you glance from me to him and back again
My mouth opens, closes, opens - fish out of water"
-
Ouch! this was so raw and real ... having been one to do the pitching out of bed once in my life [Not really, I emptied an ice bucket over the pair - Ha!] I know just how painful this situation can be. I like the way you hjave shown sympathy for all sides here - because all are losers in a way. Great stuff!
Mike
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
