Its one of those nights were my head fights to gain control of fear,
My gut tightens knowing the feelings won’t cope, or leave, pulling the options of a sleepers’ oblivion away.
Every problem, every heartache seems to sink deeper, the old scars seem healed but under the surface they throb, pulling slowly from the inside..
Leaving me confused and lonely.
I’ve done the best I can, right?
But why do these brutal and loathing thoughts corrupt my peace?
Every time my heart stops pounding, the thoughts had been kept at bay, leaving blissful quiet..
Now with the peace oh so soft, the thoughts so calm, leaves room for the emotions to run over the barriers so carefully placed, holding me still as I struggle yet again.
Flutter.. Please heart.. Keep fluttering and drown out the past, the fear that I can taste, the invisible ache and don’t leave me.. Trust me to keep you safe because if you stop I’ll fade.. Becoming the old me.
Invisible and forever numb.
Suddenly I’m left with the echo of laughter and the phantom caress of someone who cared.
Wondering, what makes me alive, and what makes me run without faltering.
All this happens within a few minutes.. when all it took was resuscitation to hold me back from my own downfall.
Just as you pull on a string will the tapestry unravel,
Will the threads of my sanity and happiness clearly fall victim to my own doings.
Leaving the matter at hand to my own destruction,
Oops, I stopped my heart from pounding for the sake of pain.
10/29/09
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