Once upon a time there was a girl that loved, cared, and laughed.
Than she had her heart torn to shreds over and over again.
She wondered to a dark forest at night look into a lake under the moon light.
Wish that death would come for her.
She no longer did she want to care.
She was trapped in her own personal hell.
It was Halloween night tonight she would not fight.
She walked to her lake one last time.
Stared into the water wondering why? Why was this her life ?
He said I will see you in hell or laugh at you there she replayed his words over and over again in her head
Not knowing this would be the last time she cried.
Someone touched her on the shoulder, she turned and he pined her down.
Sitting on her stomach he said no longer will you have to feel after tonight.
He gaged her and tied her to some trees.
He got down and on his knees.
He slowly started to carve deep into her flesh.
First her legs working his way up to her chest.
He reached her mouth untied it hoping she would cry out.
All she said was I forgive you for your sin.
Not hearing what he wanted he slit her throat and cut her up in pieces.
He threw her remains into the lake.
At her funeral none cried, no one realized she had prayed to die.
No one asked themselves why.
No one cared so it would seem her life ment really nothing,
So the tale goes that every Halloween night if you sit at the lake you will see her ghost cry.
As she ask why oh why?
The ghost in the lake is me tonight.
What do you think?
Comments
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OMG... I got the chills from this! Especially the parts like:
"He gaged her and tied her to some trees.
He got down and on his knees.
He slowly started to carve deep into her flesh.
First her legs working his way up to her chest.
He reached her mouth untied it hoping she would cry out.
All she said was I forgive you for your sin.
Not hearing what he wanted he slit her throat and cut her up in pieces.
He threw her remains into the lake."
It's just... Great!
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Scarry!
If I hadn't exhausted all my applauses, i would use one now.
That was AWESOME! I got chills!
Though in the beginning and sparsely throughout there were some grammatical and spelling errors, I still got the idea. And boy am I spooked now.
Great write! -
great write
it is written well, reading compelling story telling
You may want to reread second line possibly for rewrite
tenses also contrast, for example
instead of wish you could have wishing
Other than the story line is captivatin
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i really like it its like your should be a author you know you gave the poem some chillzz and i like it i really dnt like halloween dat much bt great poem tho!!!
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sad....
..... tale I liked the write though. I did notice on line 8 "She walked to her lake on last time." it shouldprobably be .... Lake one last time, but since you are revising I will let you be the judge. I liked it though. thanks for the awesome read.
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