Out in the sunshine I see your dark beautiful blue eyes
Your wondrous voice catches me by surprise
Rachel
You have bought great joy to my sometimes state of madness
While you are at my side I will no longer feel sadness
Rachel
Ghosts of the past shall haunt me no more
I open my eyes to the one I adore
I bow down beside my bed and gently pray
I wish for us happiness both night and day
Rachel
The woman of my dreams you will always be
Your the only woman in my life I need
Rachel
My dear sweet
Beautiful Rachel
A contest entry
- her name. by ZachP.
650 points, ended November 9, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
excellent!
A very beautiful love poem about Rachel. T find such a person is a rare gift, and you tell of her peaceful comforting so well in this poem.
Jeannette
-
A beautiful love poem that you've penned here
thank you for sharing this beautiful scribe with me.
Best wishes,
Zach Estel. -
Hauntingly Beautiful
Beautiful, haunting, longing, loving, and heartfelt. Makes me long to have a special someone in my life to inspire such romantic, love filled, and beautiful poems. Absolutely beautiful poem, and I will from now to always have a new found respect and love for the name Rachel.
Best of luck in the contest.
All my love,
~Amanda~
-
Wow~
You have evoked the name Rachel and brought a Beautiful verse
to accompany~ Powerful Message that touches the Heart deep
Sis and Thankies for stopping by and digesting my works~
Adore the rhyme also~
Keep that quill dancing
Thank You for sharing Your Voice & Talent
Best wishes in the contest~
with love & light~ Desire~*~
-
Rachel has inspired you to write a delightful poem...nicely done, Sis!
Best of Luck in this contest!
♥ Maureen
-
Lovely write here
You have penned the wishes and dreams of many for such a love to be .Great work honey
-
Hi Susan
Enjoyed this. It's got an air of enigma about it ... a poem of love/admiration/enchantment for another. Makes the reader wonder who the mysterious Rachel is, and her connection(s) to those whose life/lives she graces with a presence!
Line 2) "words" is a plural, so refer to it using the singular ("catch").
Line 4) "sometime" means "whenever", a kind of vague time not defined. Perhaps change this, therefore, to "sometimes"?
Line 5) The "know" and "no" in such close proximity didn't work for me (on a personal level) ... and there was a feeling the metre was over-long in this line, so perhaps omit a superfluous word or two? Perhaps present it as "While you are at my side, I will no longer feel sadness" ... or you could change "you are" to "you're", which cuts a syllable out too. Some ideas for you to consider playing with, that's all
PS - I have a new author page you might like. Not sure if all the fonts come out properly on other people's computers though. Spent ages on formatting, so I hope they do, lol
-
A ghostly poem with a sweet sense of love, longing and affection.
-
Wow...
..... Such heart felt words. This one is a winner for sure. Close the contest now and had all awards to Blushful she just smoked you all like Cheech and Chong burn a blunt! You should show this to her she needs to know how you feel!
-
Sweet
I'll have to show this to my best friends daughter Rachael you have penned another winner in my book good luck young lady. Rick
-
Wow, this is amazing. I hate being convinced to read someone else's poems that are 100 times better than mine, especially if they're in a contest with me. This is really beautiful. Amazing job! I applaud you and nice meeting you as well
---leah anneliese---
-
Beautiful! Great job! Good luck in the contest!
-
Excellent
Another amazing write. So very well written as always. Many blessings in the contest
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
