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So she sings

 

 

A cerulean moon shines in a desolate sky
devoid of clouds, stars hang like crystal shards

as she walks melancholy in remembrance.


Her tears fall on quagmire sanctified grounds
and ridicule her to the point of insanity.

She stands alone over his grave, weeping
opaque to why he took his own life.
The cold of this night she welcomes to shroud her
as silently she sings herself into lunacy...

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    November 28
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    22.34 / 25

    First line: "A cerulean moon shines in a desolate sky" - If you omitted the articles, it reads a lot smoother and allows your audience better access to the poem. The rest reads so wonderfully! Wow!


  • Garmond gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Darky you really have become masterful at weaving words to produce amazing imagery and flavouring your writes with such a sense of feeling and emotion.

    This is spectacular in all the above mentioned regards.


  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    It fits the picture beautifully. I can see her crying over his grave, I can see her grief and feel her pain. The melancholy the dispair the pain it all is in this piece. Great job on it. I like it a lot. Thank you for sharing.,


  • ButILoveHer silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant

    Great imagination
    so chilling and haunting
    I could see her in my mind
    clever talented write as always darky


  • Melee Vau gold member
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    this is my fav poem of yours. every line, every word, just perfect desolation and despair. I love the lines: "Hidden beneath a web of lies
    caught like the ill- fated flies"
    but I also love all the other lines as well. the last line is so devastating
    "as silently she sings herself into lunacy..."


  • Jayde1
    October 30

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    yep.....i been reading this one again..

    you caught me....i give up dark poet..
    arrest me and take me away..
    but hey this piece is just amazing... and deserves
    multiple reads...the picture you chose is awesome too and goes well with your words....

    really though....biased aside......you deserved GOLD for this poem...as it was truly
    well written....so im giving you one anyway also you get a and a and a and a huge coz I love you with all my heart!!!!!


    love
    Jayde



  • The Drifter
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    When I was a gop I saw the results of suicide and the affect on those left behind. I have seen loved ones eat themselves alive. Grief is horrible with little or no cure except the person finding their own cure from within. Your poem potrays this well.Thank you for sharing.


  • redmoonnrizing silver member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Oh! This is so very lovely...I think you really did the prompt justice with this little slice....these lines were my fav....

    The cold of this night she welcomes to shroud her
    as silently she sings herself into lunacy...

    Congrats on the HM


  • awannabepoet
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow, Darky... wow, the imagery is out of this world.

    Excellent piece of poetry and so fitting for the prompt, you have done very well you know.

    Thank you so much for sharing this little gem and I really do wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    You looking just fine for the time of year too, that pic is just right you know.



  • Concrete Angel silver member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    That's so devastatingly sad. The idea that one is so intensly in love that they will go mad for the mourning at the loss of their love. Your imagery is beautiful and captivating... and the pic works perfectly with the poem. Beautiful. Good luck and thanks for entering!


  • Jayde1
    October 29
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    an awesome write my dear....

    as always...
    i love the sadness of the piece...

    loved this stanza


    She stands alone over his grave, weeping
    opaque to why he took his own life.
    The cold of this night she welcomes to shroud her
    as silently she sings herself into lunacy...

    well done baby and good luck in z contest


    love
    Jayde


  • twelfthknight silver member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Wow I love this! you are a very talented dark poet, I love the descriptive opening that really drew me in and then the last line " sings herself into lunacy" just amazing Great write best of luck in the contest


  • Airon Rose
    October 29
    Edit | Reply
    i like the vocabulary in this


  • Concrete Angel silver member
    October 29
    Edit | Reply
    Prompt: Silently She Sings

    Your word list:
    Myriad
    Opaque
    Quagmire
    Ridicule
    Cerulean

1 - 14 of 14