I’m sitting at the window, peering through the glass, rather like iron bars, scars of a dishevelled nation. If anyone asks, I’m out. Well, I’m taking time out to observe, instead of serve this economy, and looking at what’s in fronta’ me, I’m starting to see; that we’re rather like marching ants in a colony. & if that’s what you wanta’ be, working all your life just to die unnoticed, although you voted, it didn’t make a difference ‘coz this ain’t no democracy – it’s sheer hypocrisy!
Do we work to live or do we live to work? If this dirt is mirth then it’s worth a smirk. Truly is amusing their material wealth, where they presently dwell, consuming and consuming till they presently swell…whilst just on the other side of town, people walk miles for a well-just to cook their beans, for some soap-just to keep clean, for some thread-just to sow seams in their fragmented lives, where they don’t live but merely survive, strive to stay alive. As I try to keep free time aside so I can spend it gliding from reality, flying in my mind to a far away galaxy, where people won’t lash me and beat me, promise to release me and then feed me faeces.
Permission to proceed, no need - I’m a struggling seed planted next to a tree, no room to penetrate my roots or sprout my shoots so I’ll fill my boots with soil, pretend I’m loyal, let my tongue uncoil, produce venom to spoil the tree’s greed, reduce it to it’s seed, and in it’s hour of need; deprive it from it’s nourishing feed. Watch it wither, die in winter, whether it’s cold or not, the weathers not part of my plot.
When we gain our rights, not out of spite but punishment for those prunes who gave us spoons to cut hard bread, gave a family of five one bed, who took my wife for his own, thrown her into a mill for refusing to keep still and the choppers churn her shrill cry into dysfunctional sounds of drowned bolts and cogs – then we’ll take their throne and not allow them one home between the lot of em lazy sods!
Author notes
in drafting progress - will eventually become part of A level coursework, any constructive critism would be v.much appreciated. 
- The Rhythm Children group list • next in list
Constructive critism guys?
Comments
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a very good piece, flowing with anger...it reminds me of some dude I've heard recently that preaches in rap, can't remember his name, but his teachings are turning into quite a movement these days. My memory is terrible. I'll have to go back to New Writers group on Multiply and find the friend that penned the poem about him. I'm sure you'd love it. I'll be back with the name later. I'm sure you probably already know it, because this certainly reflects his style. I'll be amazed if you don't.
Kudos on an excellent write.
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well penned poet!
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i enjoyed reading this peice..It's pretty spectacular however the redness and purpleness mush together and its a bit hard to read
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This is really good. You create good imagery.
Permission to proceed, no need - I’m a struggling seed planted next to a tree, no room to penetrate my roots or sprout my shoots so I’ll fill my boots with soil, pretend I’m loyal, let my tongue uncoil, produce venom to spoil the tree’s greed, reduce it to it’s seed, and in it’s hour of need; deprive it from it’s nourishing feed. Watch it wither, die in winter
I really like this section, and the rhyming pattern and how it flows.
However with my short attention span in parts it was hard to follow, but that is my own fault.
Ace.Awesome.Good Job.
Louise.
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