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Deflated

Like an old, worn playground ball,
I sit, here in this basement.
Half empty and alone
But I will pull through.
I will rise again.

Author notes

This was one of the first poems I wrote. I'd like to expand on it, but I haven't come up with anything good yet.

What did you think? Would you change anything?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • EternallyAlone
    October 29

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    that was really good. I didn't like the comma in the second paragraph.... felt like it stopped a thought... anyway, for expansion, I would suggest telling the story of the ball beforehand, like how it was surrounded by brothers in the store, the beautiful boy/girl that played with him, now he's in the basement rotting until the son/daughter of that boy/girl comes down and saves him. a simple story if you like, but more detail. I like how it talks about hope