Umbrella-Ella

She never thought she was worth anything. She would drag on, cringing in door-frames and window-panes, and crying at the people on the streets who held hands under umbrellas. She was so lost, so alone, but there were so many people, and it was raining so hard, and she didn't have an umbrella.

Normally she loved the rain, loved to throw her arms back and scream until the wind took her breath away and the thunder screamed back in her face. She would have water on her hair and in her mouth but she could still see; back then her face was built so that she could dance in the rain with her eyes wide open.

But now she can't get away, no matter how far she runs. She knows that if she can only reach the moon, if she could only fly, she would find her way out. But there was always a roadblock, something keeping her here, standing alone in the rain. She still doesn't have an umbrella.

---

She's found more reasons to convince herself no one cares, and she cries out in a muted voice that no one hears. They don't want the guilt of knowing her pain, so they block it out and pretend-

pretend she's not there, pretend they can't hear, don't see.
all she wants is for someone to see.

She wonders why it is so cold. It used to be warm, and you could look out a rain-smeared window and think the trees were on fire, but they were just alive with autumn.

That was her favorite time; autumn. Even the word burned inside of her, hot ashes fluttering against her heart. Autumn. Knowing that everything would be okay because the trees were never really dead- they could always come back.

---

She's used to no one caring now, no one listening or loving.
Used to living empty and alone.
Used to not having an umbrella.

Used to falling into rainy gutters and crying, laughing even, because she remembers happier days, when you tasted like rain and she liked getting her feet wet. You always had an umbrella and she'd never fall because you were always holding her.

They'd pass that crying girl on the street, alone, wet, and they'd keep walking because the umbrella just wasn't big enough for three people.

This is why she hates reflections, why she steps in puddles so she can watch ripples instead of faces.

---

ripples are forever.
but you weren't.