Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

among tea lights

Missing image

 

he teased the moon;

 

amused how she hid
among tea lights


as if she was invisible

 

 

she watched him
every evening
as he imagined the way
her skin would taste
between his fingers;

                        lips;

                   breaths

and she watched him
as he admired

her milky complexion

 

and
wondered if skin would

                           blush
if he confessed

the lustful desires

that dashed
through his mind and
                            veins

still,

she never let him realise

her gaze


and he never let her realise

 

       he could see her

 

 

 

Author notes

Obviously he doesn't really have dirty fantasies about the moon. I just thought the moon made a gorgeous metaphor for a beautiful, shy woman.

In a list

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Clelia
    November 16
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    I love the lines about her hiding among tea lights, makes me think about little fanciful dreams that she hides in. Lovely poem!

  • Oh this is definitely good! I loved reading it and very much enjoyed the metaphor. It is true, women are moons hiding behind clouds and tea lights yet, we are so visible due to how big the sky is .... Hmmmm makes me wonder, how often are they looking?
    The ending is perfect friend.

    In admiration,
    Kristy

  • Topnotchsy
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful metaphor here, one that carries nicely through the poem. Visions of the moon hiding behind clouds certainly help carry the idea.

    I do think you meant "tea lights" referring to the stars, though I may be wrong.


    • silverscent gold member
      October 30

      Edit | Reply
      I thought it was tea lights but I looked the spelling up on the internet and tee lights came up. I guess it can be spelt both ways.

  • I like the style you used in this piece. It worked especially well for the lips and breath part.


  • The Drifter
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    Chances lost, neither one nor the other willing to take that all important step, that connection that could lead to ............. Why do we do that? So close, yet so far away that which is so near. Your poem is very well written and I like the flow. Thank you for sharing with your readers.

1 - 7 of 7