Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Crickets with Violins

She fidgets flirtatiously like crickets courting wives with their violins.
An audacious performance, in my opinion.

(But the crickets think to themselves "Was that dulcet or a dull set?")

 

She cuts with soft slices,
like blades of grass
Or the bread of great compromises

“Dance with me?”  I ask.
And we do so, unabashed, with all the movement of shadows on the water.
Rhythm in the hips and blues in the eyes.

What instrument triumphs with such divine music?
Nonesuch but her mouth.
A mouth I long to sound.
To partake and revel in it’s blissful disposition of eloquence and aplomb.
Like an embouchure bomb.

And I can’t express in words the need
to draw my bow against her strings.

And if you ask me;
“Does HER body sing?”
Calling it out, comparable to the Eureka shout,
I shall answer only this: “Electric! Electric!”
A spark first found within the kiss.

And in her body I discover:
The surreptitious sessions of Mozart’s private opus.
And the lost confessions of Jesus Christ.
Astarte or Ishtar or Artemis, Demeter;
the maiden, the mother, the crone.
The smell of earth, ocean, honeysuckle or roses;
but uniquely and distinctly sweeter;
the blooming scent of ambrosial cologne.

She is ancient, modern, and mystery epitomized.
Calypso is: She who hides.

And also in her composition
lies the siren’s song;
and I, wholeheartedly, long to ring the alarm.
Daring me to be ensnared.
To be
drawn in and drowned.

Therein I’ll be lulled,
Pulled into the abyss and dashed to bits.
Or like the sea is famous for,
have new life breathed into my lips.

Then we can steal away like the summer does;
And take up asylum
on the other side of the world.

Author notes

This is a poem about love.  Love at first sight some call it. The kind of love that takes two strangers and ties them in a knot.  The mind reels and the body can't refuse.  This knot can never come loose.........

 

Also, the rhyming structure/meter isn't something I normally do (or even have any particular knowledge about) but lately I've been semi-attempting to do so. 

A contest entry

Huh?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Ativan
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    okay, for starters, this is the type of peoem that gets over looked in contests by pposms aout slitting wrists. The beginning was classic. Excellent. As it goes along, it looses its sting. Beautiful beginning. I think it should be shorter but that is just my opinion. I like to be honet, peasae do not be upset by this. It is an excellen poem I am going though the poems three times and giving tem a grade each time. 1-10 and I average the three scores but I do not comment again. However, I thik it is important to reread and score three times because sometimes I may reread it and think differently. I am not perfect.

    -AtiVAn

    1. 7.5
    2. 7.5
    3. 7.5
    AVERAGE:7.5

    • Also, I do appreciate the compliment. I tried to keep the subject together by a unifying theme. Again, thanks for taking the time to read.

    • I'm not sure I understand the slitting wrists portion of your comment, considering your contest isn't about that and I would never enter it in a *suicide* contest, nor do I really write about that subject matter. I am not even close to being upset. And believe me I considered it's length and it being a problem but sometimes knowing when to stop can be the hardest part. To each their own.