The negative remains;
grey,
and shades thereof of course.
Always shades;
nothing as simple as black and white;
for black and white are forgiving
and unforgivable in their phallic rigidity.
Russian openings on a wet dark night while pawns fall
one by one
as if illusions matter.
Pure and clean as a scalpel cut
the pages of the album lie;
offering one phantom philtre after another
whose mixtures are never black or white.
Always dull brown or red;
never a rainbow;
never a joyous burst of colour.
Or emotion for that matter.
Yesterdays memories
frozen for today
While some still live;
but not as black or white.
Unlike that marble chess board
black sky and white full moon cannot exist;
as they ebb and flow endlessly,
until;
unforgivably;
only the negative remains
Author notes
I will be coming back to this
Critical responses really welcome
Knowing exactly where you want a poem to go and actually arriving there are two different matters
- Winklings group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Photograph by Pamela A Lamppa.
2200 points, ended November 20, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any feedback most welcome
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
This has a sad sort of lonely feel to it. I loved the line: Yesterday's memories frozen for today.
-
There is much to think on this this tight clean verse. You use language well and find emotion in brevity for impact. This one packs a punch.
"Yesterdays memories
frozen for today"
Yesterdays should be Yesterday's
Your closing stanza is simply so matter of fact, most will miss the metaphor. I loved this, moved throughout this and found your images pushed to my heart in tight neat packages - and your title just says it all.
I winced and cried for the missing care - the opposing scales of light and dark mingled with unrelenting colors.
So well done. Thank you for such a splendid entry. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
-
I really like this, it's an interesting image juxtaposition of the photographs and the chess set. Could you perhaps think about and reflect the dual nature of the black and white within the structure of the poem somehow? Critically, I'll tell you what I think it's about, and you can perhaps judge from my comments whether you think you've been successful in conveying your intentions: I see it as someone immersing themselves in negative and detrimental thoughts, and a reflection of how things will always be this way. They're memories of life are dull because the person views life as being dull. Hope this helps
-
Outstanding
Unlike that marble chess board
black sky and white full moon cannot exist;
I really liked these lines and the unexpectedness of the imagery. You can tell this poem has been worked on as it flows so well and each section adds more to the final picture. You feel as if each detail has been given its place and I liked the way you expanded on the sense of black and white in the poem with some interesting contrasts. Best of luck in the contest
-
I thought perhaps here, instead of "can illusions", "carve illusions", but that's my way of thinking, of adding to the scalpel metaphor. It only caused a slight stumble in my reading, but hardly a noticeable one. I think it's a worthy response to the prompt, most certainly. Good luck in Pamela's contest, Poet. 
-
-
Thanks Nighthope
This poem is changing on a daily basis and hopefully will get to where it first wanted to go
Its only my skill [ lack thereof] at free verse that is stopping it developing correctly
THANKYOU
peter -
-
It always helps to read as many other people as you can and get a different voice and tonality from each. It's certainly helped my own writing immensely. And...you are NOT lacking in skill...at all. You're quite welcome.
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
