Love. Life. Hapiness... Tauting words that aren't true.

In love with someone who doesn't always exist
But I still cant resist
His smile, his voice, his love
I think someone special sent him for me from high above
He says he likes me, he says I'm his number one
But I'm very sorry to say, it hasn't been just me since our love first begun
On the surface he likes me
Deep down inside what in me does he see?
What's so special about him, you think?
And if he hurts me inside like I say he does, why do i come back to this taunting water to drink?
Because he can be a nice sweet guy
Even though the toll on me he take makes me cry
But sweetness always becomes bitter
I try to hide this with something pretty like glitter
I have to move on and finally see he doesn't like me like that
But I continue to fight this like its military combat
I said I wouldn't fall too hard too fast
But I turned my back on those words and knew they would never last
I'm not anything special, I'm not a jewel on a crown
He doesn't like me but in this love, I still drown
I'm just a girl, but he's not just a boy
He's not the thing people think of him as, shiny new toy
He's too profound to put into words
I just happened too be the girl at one time that he preferred
This love is something unknown
We agreed not to tell anyone and now I'm alone
He cant know that I love him, that it is him that I need
If he finds this out and doesn't have he same feelings, my heart will bleed
Im just another card in his deck
He's gone through it and picked the one's that weren't wrecked
I have already been played
And all the value I once had begins to fade
I was the highest of them all
But when he saw the other cards, I watched all of what I was fall
But what happens when he goes through the whole pile?
He'll go through them again and again to get out every single last mile
I love him but I cant take this anymore
This horrible feeling coming from deep inside, is too hard to ignore
How can I ever leave? How can I go?
This answer I already know
I cannot do anything, Im just a card
Even though every move he takes hits me hard
Harder than I ever thought I could feel
And if I dont find a way to move on, I may never learn to heal
But I still end up giving him what he desires
I let him use me over and over again, while my world is on fire
I've let myself fall into this trap
I'm never going to find a simple map
A map to get me out of where I am
I'm just as helpless as a stupid lamb
Since I chose this too early, there is no turning back
My whole world isn't vivid as it once was, just white and black
So I sit here thinking
And I see my value shrinking
I see reality set into place
Denial is written all over my face
For I know this problem was one I started
And now I say "I love you" only half-hearted
I'm not ready for the future because I am scared
But the only thing I'm sure of is that he still won't care
I want everything to be as I saw it
But for falling for someone like this, I deserve what I get
I wish it was the way it was, even if my life was a lie
Then I wouldn't have to watch the life I could've had whisk on by.