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in the streets

leaves have been beaten to a paste beneath the tires

vibrant piles warm the bases of trash cans
pubic hair to the squat gray cocks
one after the other
merging toward the horizon

2 cigarettes per beer

one love per life

mia stares out at the rain from the porch
learning, saddening

it's a comfortable but lonely moment when you find your place in the world

the charcoal skies shift but a little and none of it good
all of it coming and inevitable and eternally thirsty
every bet wrong
and even the words necessary for lament have dried up
raked away
to spray maudlin confetti on someone else's shining future

a tiny bird flies into the blowing rain then stops on a branch
head jerk to squirt water

mia smiles

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • cvillelisa
    November 9

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you. I needed a dose of Ed to cure what I've got.




    i think this should be the last line:

    it's a comfortable but lonely moment when you find your place in the world


    and cut the mia smiles.

    but that's just me.



    • porksnorkel
      November 18
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      I can't see any real difference between Cutler and Grossman.


    • porksnorkel
      November 18
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      right you are, of course. about the mia smiles.

      nice game against the colts. fucking busters


      • cvillelisa
        November 18
        ?
        Edit | Reply


        Oh man what a good game though huh? Hey we already lost the most worst game in history (to those ass-wipe Giants). I think they had the first down -- and of course it was the RIGHT call to make. Peyton needs punishment and soon.

        Cutler is really awful and so smug.

        I miss u.


        • porksnorkel
          November 18
          ?
          Edit | Reply
          Right call indeed. I wish we had a coach with stones. Thing is, if you're going to go for it on 4th down, if you don't make it, you need to blitz like crazy and play high-risk defense and not let the colts RUN THE FUCKING BALL and the clock. If they beat you with a pass into the end zone, then at least there is a minute or so left on the clock for tom and the boyz to march into fieldgoal range.

          Cutler is going to be good. I hope. No. Probably not. Hey, at least it's easy to pick the Bears' opponents.


          • cvillelisa
            November 18
            ?
            Edit | Reply

            Peyton is a god damn machine and the Pat's defense is brand new -- they were spent by that 4th quarter. Need a year or two to develop that defense again -- so much lost (still don't get the Richard Seymour trade).

            I am rooting against the Old Man up there in Minnesota and that other pussy dome qb Drew Brees.

            At least they still play football out side in Chicago.

            How the hell are you?


            kisses.


            • porksnorkel
              November 18
              ?
              Edit | Reply
              I'm a fucking basketcase. I feel winter creeping up on me. How the fuck are you?

              Hey, do you speak with one of those marvelous Boston accents? Like Pahhk the fecking cahh? That would be sweet. I liked Casey Affleck in Gone Baby Gone. "Make me a Mahhtini, you fat fecking retahhd!!"


              • cvillelisa
                November 18
                ?
                Edit | Reply

                • porksnorkel
                  November 18
                  ?
                  Edit | Reply
                  that one was much better but still not pornographic enough.

                  Hey, you never told me if you speak in one of those delightful Boston accents. Is it a fucking secret?


                  • cvillelisa
                    November 18
                    ?
                    Edit | Reply



                    sorry i got wrapped up in the jessica alba spanking


                    it is said from time to time, i speak in one of those boston accents -- but not so much as Ben Affleck and Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting cause I am from Jersey originally.

                    • porksnorkel
                      November 18
                      ?
                      Edit | Reply
                      So you're not a southie? too bad.

                      you been to ass-berry park?


                      • cvillelisa
                        November 18
                        ?
                        Edit | Reply


                        many times. i grew up summering on the jersey shore.

                        the best show i saw in assberry park however was the clash at the convention center. we ended up drinking with Joe Strummer at a little bar in town.


              • cvillelisa
                November 18
                ?
                Edit | Reply

                I'm a kookball. just crazy really.

                Casey Affleck - oh my did you see the new movie he is going to be in? he is giving Jessica Alba's ass a whooping with a strap before the have dirty sex.

                h ttp://www.hiphoprx.com/2009/11/09/watch-jessica-alba-get-ass-spanked-in-new-movie-the-killer-inside-me-photos/



                • porksnorkel
                  November 18
                  ?
                  Edit | Reply
                  Nice. Though he should whoop her ass with a strap-on, I think.

                  Hey you ever see the movie, "another day in paradise"? Dylan song at the end, don't know the name. James Woods, Melanie Griffith, and others. Of course. If not, you should.


                  • cvillelisa
                    November 18
                    ?
                    Edit | Reply


                    oh yes. i saw that. i've been watching the virgin suicides over and over

                    i find that movie haunting.



                    i almost went to see Sir Bob -- he was in Boston three nights this past week. i couldn't muster the scratch though. 85 bucks a seat.


  • poetryality silver member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Love the picture you've painted from the window's view. The comparison in the second stand gives me a wonderful but gritty contrast. You almost have to be looking for "pubic hair" to find it, you know, like in the tub after you and/or mia bathes or showers.

    "the charcoal skies shift but a little and none of it good"

    Too many words in that line. It reads smoother like this;

    the charcoal skies shift, little or none of it good

    Love the Autum metaphor throughout though. Good luck inthe contest. Missed reading you of late.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


    • porksnorkel
      November 18
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      Well, I meant that they shift only a little bit. Yeah, that might be wack. the whole thing blows, truth be told. Like your shades. You're hot.


  • just mercedes gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    I like 'pubic hair to the squat gray cocks' but it doesn't work with the 'paste' of the first line.

    I love mia smiling at the bird, like there will always be a moment of grace in the gray


  • luna-midnight gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is amazing and very deep, one of my favs ive read in the contest. i love the whole set up and feeling to the poem, good luck and take care
    Stephanie ♥


  • dp robertson
    November 2
    Edit | Reply
    I too have been away. I have nothing to write but in this I have much to enjoy.


  • Desiree Darkk
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    This is very Ed-ish. Or i should say beaver-ish. (you're nutso, change your name back)

    This has birds and cigs, and nicely done too.

    "it's a comfortable but lonely moment when you find your place in the world"
    yes it is.

    Desiree


    • dp robertson
      November 2
      Edit | Reply
      I was going to write something profound: I scrolled down until I saw those jugs bouncing around until they hit your ankles. My God girl, will you stoop at nothing except perhaps his half lit cigarette and a dick like a caber


  • IronIcecream
    October 29

    Edit | Reply

    the skies are made of papier mâche
    of course
    the reason for charcoal is to cover
    code bared copyrights

    and now
    let’s get very bigot and say
    "you’ll finish this only when you’ll reach
    at least 5 cigarettes per beer
    hooker free and keep the change"

    is there something raising in your pocket?
    the price for another beer
    of course
    no graffiti spray needed
    the shining future is best sprayed with body fluids

    epitaph:

    one life
    one beaver
    one funeral stone:
    "here lies butthead"

1 - 27 of 27