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Primrose and the Stars. (sedoka)





spring evening
between the primrose
and the distant stars

a bat
flies silently through
the hoot of an owl






Andrew Hide
13~04~2004

Author notes

Written April 13th, 2004

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Menohir
    April 14, 2004
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    Well I was out two days ago, it was evening
    I watched what went on in our garden, I saw, well I saw this:

    two red roses stand
    between plants darker
    than the twilight sky

    I've only posted it about 4 hours ago, but it was strange to see you having a rose and a evening...
    Another thing that I saw while sitting outside (well I wanted to try putting it into a haiku) was the stars coming out. At first I saw only about 4 noticible stars (but they weren't clear, they looked distant as you describe them) but later others around those vaguely began to appear. Nice writing, the 2nd one was great, nothing to say about him though

    Menohir


  • April 14, 2004
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    around here it is bats flying silently while the pigeons sleep coo coo coo cool poetry.

    what exactly is sedoka? was just looking in the dictionary then and it didn't have it. i can see it is around the haiku style.


  • BillS2
    April 13, 2004
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    Excellent

    Hi Andrew:
    That is really a neat sedoka. I can picture it perfectly, especially the bat flying through the hoot of an owl. Food maybe as well. Thanks for this neat write,

  • Billbard silver member
    April 13, 2004
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    Andrew.Nice word picture.Like the form.Bill


  • AndrewHide silver member
    April 13, 2004
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    it was nature that added the twists,
    I was just watching and taking notes.

    Andrew


  • SusanL
    April 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    You are in a class by yourself... how you can add twists in so few words... Amazing.. Susan


  • Ava Noire silver member
    April 13, 2004
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    I love this form. And the image of primrose and stars is so pretty and works really well here. I liked the second part too, but the first was my favorite

  • AndrewHide silver member
    April 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I knew I'd find the right frame for it eventually
    Distant is the only word I added,(your eyes are finding the false piece well) this was solely to keep the traditional short, long, long form of each Katauta.

    Andrew

  • Peacedreamer
    April 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like it this way too Andrew - now you get to keep the bat and the owl. Not sure about the format for a sedoka but I think you can do without 'distant' stars are by definition.


  • Ember Rose
    April 13, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting play with the wording. As I liked all of the nouns, I could actually picture this in action. Different.

1 - 10 of 10