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At Least Then...




I want to be sixteen again
at least then,
I had some sort of social life
or fifteen
when I could sit in my room
for hours
listen to music
and write good, angry poetry
or sketch graffiti in notebooks
at least then,
I was honest

 

I want to go back to when I was seven

when we were beaten

we watched each other suffer 

shared the same bed  

and shared the same backbone

at least then

we had each other


I hear she teeters towards madness

even then she did
but at least then,
she talked to me

at least then,
he was well

at least then,
she was almost sane

at least then,
we had hope

 

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Author notes

at least then.... I want my brother back

In a list

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry about your brother. I know you're all going through a really tough time right now.

    This is expertly written, by the way. Really takes the reader on a journey with you - makes us feel invested in the action, in your emotions. We are rooting for you guys to come through.

    You still have hope, sweetie. I have faith in you.


  • poetryality silver member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    There is a kinship in this poem for me. At sixteen I had the measles and my little brother (now deceased) tied my hands behind my back while I slept to keep me from scratching myself all up. I sat in my room and read famous poets, pretending I was them, while reciting their works aloud. At age seven I was raped by a cousin and sexually molested for five years (almost daily) thereafter. he was our babysitter. The sanity left when I was a teen and young adult but returned at the age of forty. From a young girl to well into my adulthood, I self-inflicted abuse, and allowed others to misuse me. Your poem makes my heart wrench, and your author note brought about a tear.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      wow...Im so glad you are okay now. I am going to therapy myself. Im so nervous and I don't really want to go...but I want to get better so bad.

      You went through a lot and I am glad that my poem touched you, and that you made it through everything.... it gives me hope.

      thanks

      love,

      catie


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    oh my lord! you have painted images that
    pierce my heart and jog my own memories as a
    child, I am completly and utterly moved
    by this write, Beautiful Poetry!
    into my bag of goodies

    Love and blessings'
    Rend


  • Terry Collett
    October 30

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent poem.

    There is a lot of rubbishy poetry written these days, but you, with this excellent poem, make the effort to continue reading that much more worthwhile.


  • Daizee silver member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, so you made my hair about stand on end with this one. I felt this one all the way down my spine


  • katelynmcdougall
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    so strange, I was thinking of writing a similar poem earlier today/yesterday... obviously we have not had the same experience, but I really feel your desire/pain... it was a great read, not too wordy, and enough of a back story that I get it.


  • Girl-Interrupted gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    amazing catie.... love the regression in age... perfect the way it 'tis. *hug


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    back to re-read this - I believe I'm a poem stalker

  • Thomas Scott gold member
    October 28
    Edit | Reply

    wild applause goes here

    From the idea of this poem which is as smooth and weighty as a steel ball to the craftsmanship of word choice and line breaks, it is outstanding. Extra ordinary.
    It makes me want to make one of those lists to do what I can to keep this in the window.
    Constructive criticism? Hmmmmm. Don't think you need the italics in lines 25 and 26. For me, you don't need lines 34 and 35. You leave me with the sense of lost hope without them.
    I would date this poem.
    Thanks for writing it.

    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      October 31
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for the critiques...I agree after taking a couple days off and coming back to re-read this...(sometimes Im afraid to come back and re-read my old work... ) I got rid of the italics and I did get rid of two lines...but I dunno if they are the two lines u were thinking of...I just was reading it and felt that two lines really stuck out and messed up the flow. but I am pretty sure they are the same two lines you were talking about..bc it just really stood out and killed the flow.

      thanks for your comments and critiques


  • Rowan gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    This one resonates, the repetition really works effectively here. There's alot of things I miss, but missing someone is the worst.
    Good, honest work.

  • fanniesson
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    A nice piece a toss up
    between anger and sadness
    liked the flow


  • Emmyb gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    when i started reading this i was like....... IS she serious? How could anyone possibly want to be 15/16 again??

    But, as i progressed through the poem I became engrossed in the thicker story and memory of this lifestyle and I can safely say that you still seem to write pretty honest poetry

    fantastic

    Emma


  • Cup-a-Joe
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    You my dear, would be the best sister. ever.
    Love this. Sad yes but so full of love.
    Fourtheen million thousand hundred stars.

    Joe

    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      October 28
      Edit | Reply
      wow 14 million thousand hundred stars!! gee that's a lot...hard to beat

      next time, I'll try for 15 million thousand hundred stars!!!! lol

      thanks for stopping by Joe...I loved your mug the other day, the white one with the little dude trying to catch that drop of coffee...it was so cute!

1 - 18 of 18