The picnic races were cancelled;
washed out
for the hundreds who had queued
since dawn
hanging to get drunk, stoned and intoxicated on the thrill of a 'roughie'
flying down the home straight.
We headed up to Fitzroy Falls
for a late breakfast
of warm beer, a line or two
and a few spliffs.
Gerry was fidgety (hanging out)
- he threw down a beer
then started jumping back and forth
over the safety fence.
On the third fly-over
his hands slipped
from the meshing
and he was gone...
down to hell
heaven
middle earth
somewhere
gone...
- death by misadventure
I'm still thinking (many years later)
- death by absolute stupidity
These days I find it extremely uncomfortable
enjoying the view
from lookouts.
I avoid
looking
down.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great poem! It's very unique. I love the imagery and details. It paints a very vivid picture in my mind.
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Paints a good picture. A sad pic, but good and true. Lesson... stupidity kills.
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I had a friend die in exactly the same fashion. I no longer go to the place where he died, and can not seem to push myself to enjoy views as such anymore. Thank you for posting a poem that both touched me and was well written so that I could appreciate it and enjoy what you had to share.
Wonderful poem and please keep writing so that others may enjoy your gifts! -
It's very "fidgety" in its style. I find it jumpy and all over the place. I'm not sure if that's your intention, if it is, then what I'm typing is no real critique, just indication that you did what you set out to do. The language itself is a bit bare and not very textured, it's simplistic and doesn't wow me.
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Thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm a fan of Bukowsk and the simple raw writing it entails, more often than not.
it was written on the spur for a contest and I some of the narrative was removed due to word count requirements.
When the death happened I guess we were all a bit 'all over the shop', so, for me, the 'fidget' feel of the poem is probably a true reflection of the moment.
Wishes -Emmjay
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WOW...
Whate a story you weave here. I agree it would be stupidity, but then again, beer and lines bring out exactly that in most people. 
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I really liked the first half, but the heaven, hell, middle earth bit was listy and since then it just lost me. That's my only critique. Otherwise, I liked this.
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Thanks for the comment. Probably lost a bit in chopping the poem down to fit the word count requirement.
Wishes -Emmjay
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Man! what a shock. Makes me think of the old joke, so many disasters are preceded by the phrase "Watch this!" I am leery of high places also and this poem gave me that queesy feeling.
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