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if I were the feather

.

 

If I were a word to bend your lips

curious, tumbled dimples hiding
beyond pale of a flushed cheek-

I'd choose wonderment,
even on my bitchy days-

stones with moss-covered iris

until dawn's light turns edges crispy
 

there is laughter
not restrained, controlled laughter,
but genuine

silence of trees bellow
lowly croaks of frogs
bump against a spongy moon. . .
after all, it's just the moon,

 

funny how words return

when talking isn't needed
fat, pearly tears pop up

just thinking about it

 

and stamps cost less than a cup of coffee
correspondence is fragrantly poignant
but doesn't say very much.

 

You said I-love-yous made you fly,
but what does that mean really?

 

I wanted to be that promise
could've been a glimmer across

choppy waters
after so much ocean;
salty,
hollow,
echoes nothing save isolation,

 

a-sway in a flimsy boat

further out than necessary
and sharks circle, because

that's what they do when there's bait

tied to your neck.

 

 

 

If this were our saga

I'd want us to be gods/goddesses

transcendant tales told with sinister enemies 

vulnerable virgins,

the beastly intent of humanity;

 

the un-pretty consequence of carnal behaviour.

 

We'll establish an oracle

-repeated for centuries

with tender bits to include love
and lust,
      passion,
        betrayal,

           (all too human)- human folly.

settle crowns of dime-store flowers,

spun lightly

in your dirty-blond hair..

call ourselves lovers, once.

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Photograph by Andrea Gibson

In a list

A contest entry

if you have a suggestion, that would be wonderful...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Night Hope gold member
    November 20
    ?
    Edit | Reply


    This is one of the finest pieces I've read from your pen.
    I was especially moved by the stanzas with these beginning lines: "there is laughter" and "I wanted to be that promise".
    I have but one suggestion for you, Madame. Get published. Forthwith. Seriously. Good luck in Pamela's contest, Sweetie.




  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    November 20
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    "and sharks circle, because

    that's what they do when there's bait

    tied to your neck."


    OH I could apply those lines so closely - Wonderful words here.
    This is just to ripe with emotion and care and finds me finding more that I would like in the reality of it all.

    An exceptional entry to this contest. Thank you so much. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • poet2angels gold member
    November 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is so amazing...I could not choose favorite lines...I was captured from beginning to end in such language and emotion...

    Beautiful

    Lynda

  • Tercarro
    November 6

    Edit | Reply

    Caught off guard

    When I began reading this I wasn't getting much from it and was on the verge of dumping it because I'm into instant gratification and I wasn't getting any but something inside made me continue, (I think it was guilt because you read my work), and as I did the essense of this work began to draw me. I found what I was looking for after the fifth line and then from there I was hooked, it all flowed so fervently for me that I wished it had been longer, I really wanted it to go on. It's like those lines " you had me at hello". Well you had me at "if I were a word" and from there I was yours. Brilliant and wonderful but again I didn't like the first five lines but would still give it 15 out of 10.


  • Jon Andoa
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    you've got an interesting way about you in this piece. I enjoyed it


  • glenn shannon silver member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    phew stunning piece with all kids of emotions stirred love lust sad and awe your are a gold pen dear Jin and too sweet love ya glenn xo


  • Pure Thought silver member
    October 30
    Edit | Reply
    love that 3rd stanza... of course it involves laughter

    Well done.


  • Swan song gold member
    October 30
    Edit | Reply
    oh my!!!!!! This was just perfect!!!!! Good luck


  • Cannonsfire
    October 30
    Edit | Reply
    Yes!


  • Cannonsfire
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    not giving clappies til you say it's done ok? but this is worth heaps of them C ps I lied and gave them anyway lol cos i like it the way it is


  • whitecoffee
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! I think this is magnificent and wonderfully real. I love this stanza..funny how the words come back
    when talking was not needed
    fat, pearly tears pop up
    just thinking about it
    and stamps costed less than a cup of coffee
    and everything is fragrancey and poignant
    but doesnt really say much.

    and the only suggestion I have is that "costed" may be "cost", and "fragrancey" be fragrant..although not totally sure about that one..cant decide...

    Thanks for this and much luck in the contest

  • even on my bitchy days...me too.

    In all honesty, for being a rough draft I have no suggestions. You truly have done an amazing job with descriptions. It was indeed though-provoking and beautifully done. Love it, love you.

  • poetrynovice
    October 29
    Edit | Reply
    Cannubial bliss is the most sweet and you have defined it here impeccably.


  • John BoSox
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..this is truely thought provoking, in a beautiful manner..Your use of metaphores is absolutly astonishing..Many of the lines within this write i read 2 or 3 times..to savor your intent..I love when a poet forces me to do that..I can really see yout talent flowing like a beautiful warerfall..Congrats

    John

1 - 20 of 20