Two men standing face to face,
friends of old in time of long ago
who together worked to overthrow,
laugh, carouse, and discuss.
Soon, though, came civil war
and thus they do not stand in camaraderie
but as enemies each to their own allience.
One a commanding officer, the other a poet.
Silent all men were as the sun broke
the melancholy blackness surrounding them.
They were in hopes that this poet
would be reprieved - saved from the firing squad.
The past was no more with them,
the future was where they were.
The thought of who they used to be
was lost in programmed rhythm.
"Attention!" was commanded, then amnesia
took over the commanding officer.
His mind blanked by the poet
who coughed, breaking routine.
Where he was and what he was doing
was forgotten for the moment in front
of six men standing attentave
with guns by their side.
Slowly the memory came to him.
"Shoulder arms!" was the next call
followed by a shrill, "Present arms!"
then silence fell as footsteps could be heard
Coming was the charge
to relieve the poet of his crime
"Stop!" shouted the officer frantically...
Six men holding each their rifle pointing ready.
Six men trained by rhythm.
Six men hearing the shout "Stop!" - fired.
Author notes
INSPIRED BY: Me fipping through a biography book of Charles Chaplin finding the last lines of a short story, which can be read here: http://people.cis.ksu.edu/~ab/Miscellany/rhythm.html, that he wrote and the thought intrigued me so I wrote it in a poem.
- Chocolate eating peg leg pirates group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Anything and everything by bunnyslasher157.
900 points, ended November 11, 97 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GROUP CONTEST Chocolate-Eating Peg-Leg Pirates ONLY~~ PREWRITES of any kind that have not won a trophy by Emerald Lass.
700 points, ended November 18, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please give me suggestions on what I could do to make this better. I will reward those to whomever asks and critiques with suggestions I can work with. And Thank you for reading.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was a very well written piece that you have entered here. It was good and very enjoyable to read. THanks for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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A very Intresting tale indeed... I think this peom, if centered.. could be read deeper.. then it is.. ....
The rythem of the poem, was rather hard for me to grasp.. manily from little punctuation.. as I could not find a common speech pattern, when spoken aloud.
This poem unfourtunatly is very true in this world... I was once in the U.S. Army.. and can say for certanty that the routine of things.. sometimes makes us not completely listen to directions... which unfoutrunatly ended up in the death of someone that I cared for deeply.
It is human nature, in ways... to get into a routine, and when something new is added, they forget about it.. as it is not part of the routine.. sometimes very bad things can happen from this.. sometimes, such things are cought early, or are only minor situations without human, or animal, harm.
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I like this a lot and it is sad at the end....it took me by surprise.
Well done!
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I am really sad and disgusted that they killed the poor man, but I really do like your poem that describes the event so poetically.
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This is the sad fact of reality and war and hate. Thanks for sharing this poem.
TQOP
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Okay
I liked the poem. It was in the beat. I have to confess, It caught me off guard when they fired. Good job, keep writing, and good luck in the contest.
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I found this good enough to be POD ( Poem of the Day) on my Homepage site....I hope you are pleased
I do find your tenses past and present....but the over-all Theme and pondering thoughts are what captured my attention.....I hope you find a contest to enter this in as a Prewrite some place -
God bless,
Bear -
http://destinationpoetry.com/PO__Contest_Series.html
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WOW. I am truly honored. I don't know what to say but Thank you for enjoying it. I'm so embarassed that you had to see it in the shape it is in now... I wrote early in the morning quite fast and I was to fix the mistakes today... but... my goodness I never thought that I would have the priveldge of having a poem put on ANY poem of the day list. Especially yours. I know that in many contests I enter your poems are always breaking the mold of poetry and creating true masterpieces. So once again thank you. And also if you do have any suggesions I would greatly appreciate it.
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.....I'm humbled by your comment....and as far as suggestions.....be yourself and write what your heart says to write....never try to copy another Poet or Writer.....you were given talent by God.....allow Him to increase your talents in abundance!
..be well,
Bear -
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My verdict? ...guilty...of literary historical reenactment.
Well written, nice story-line but your tenses clash a little. Overall a good write!
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