cutting was a cure
to my emotional pain,
a long term addiction
for a short term gain
all i had to do was focus
and i would have my release
and for a little while
i found an illusion of peace
the pain in my head
circled so severe
that the risk of death
was no longer a fear
the blood was calming
and the sting almost sweet
in the end i felt crazy
so i tried to be discreet
like any addiction
i grew to need more
i cut every week
each time deeper then before
then i lost control
i broke down every night
i wanted everything to stop
so began my internal fight
people started noticed
and showed some concern
but didn't know what to do
so my anger began to burn
i continued my war
but everytime i failed
i crashed so hard
like a train derailed
but with a little help
i hurt myself less
my family saved me
this i do confess
after months of
fights and constant friction
i finally recovered
from my deadly addiction
the pain still comes
but now i no longer fear
relapse isn't an option
i hold my life to dear
Author notes
latley people have been asking me about my scars and i find it hard to explain to them.
they dont understand why a person would harm themselves the way a self-mutilator does. it's hard to explain that with so much hurt inside you lose grip of reality,
they don't understand that self mutilation can actually be an addiction. so i wrote my story in the simplest form i could to try to help people understand why i did what i did.... and also becuz my muse FINALLY decided to start working again lol. so i hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Addiction is a deadly game that few of us come out alive from. I suffered from an several addictions (thank you dad & grandpas) including a severe drug/alcohol addictions, I understand. Often times the scars are hard to explain but raise your head with pride because my dear, you've survived and became better because of what you went through. I am proud to say...welcome home sister survivor.
AS for the piece it is filled with everything an addiction is filled with, HIGHS and lows. I love it. You''ve done an amazing job with expressing what an addiction is, excellent excellent job!
Peace & Love
~J
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I didn't really feel uncomfortable, just miserable I guess. He sat there looking at them, and I could clearly seee how much it was hurting him. And then he started crying. The picture of those tears running down his face are what stop me from doing it again, because yes, it was pretty hard. But thank you for commenting on my poems, and for the constructive crtisicm.
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You are completely right about that. I never realized until now, until readong your poem, that it truly is an addiction. I had my reasons to do it, but really they werent good enough, not when you just tell someone those reasons. My boyfriend, he made me show him the scars, and then he cried and made me promise to never do it again. It was only about a month ago, but in that time, I have wanted to do it again countless times. Thanks to him though, I didn't. I greatly thank him, and now you, because now I really have something to fear if i were to ever do it again. All the more reason not to. Thank you.
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oh i hated when my boyfriend wanted to see my scars... i felt so uncomfortable as he sat there with this .... twisted look on his face. i was convinced he would dump me right there but instead he hugged me...
i had to promise too.
it's was hard to stop wasn't it? i still struggle with it sometimes, but i just think of how much damage it would do, how far back it would take me. i'm glad you liked my poem and it did something for you!
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Love the way you told this story. It is not easy to stop. Haven't been able to yet. Though I find strength in others that have.
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I totally understand where you are coming from. I cut myself for 6 years to cope with being raped and molested by my brother. It was a high to me and I felt calm after doing it. No one needs to understand except yourself. Like me, you are a suvivor. You coped through your own pain, even if it wasnt the best way to cope, you made it out alive. Your poem was perfect!
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this is amazing i love this poem i can relate to what you r saying i cut to and its had to explain to someone why you cut if they dont cut themself
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Rust?? What Rust?? You Havn't Lost A Thang, As Always AWSOMENESS!! Keep 'Em Coming...
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