On the Edge

Lately I've been having
These odd little dreams
That I'm standing
On the edge of
A cliff
And cannot even scream
I open my mouth
And take a deep
Breathe
And hope and pray
That I can finally
Say what I need to say
Every single time though
Its like I'm nothing
Nothing comes out
Nobody sees me
And worst of all
Nobody hears me
It's as though I'm
Invisible to all
How this happened
I just don't know
All I know is
I keep seeing the
Faces of everyone
I love
Everyone who needs to
Hear me
Everyone needs to know
I'm sorry
I love you
And deep down part of
Me knew
If I could turn back the
Clock
I would
And do whatever it
Toke to protect you
I would also
Bite my tongue a little
Bit more
Maybe, just maybe
I'd save you with that
I need you to know
That I'm sorry, but
I'm terrified
What if I fail
What if you fail
What if you find someone
You truly love
And I'm left all alone?
If I don't reach my dreams
Am I just like my mother?
Cursed to be held back
By a past I need to forget
If I leave my nephew
And I only running
From everything the truth
That maybe I could have
Done something
If I leave without telling
You the truth
Am I the weakest
Human alive
Or the strongest?
Do I give everyone
What they want
Even if it means
The death of me
I'm standing on
The edge of something
Here.
I can taste it
I think it may be fear
Which would make sense
Seeing that I am truly
Terrified.
What if you relapse
And this semi-fairy tale
Ends once again?
What if he remembers?
What if my friends
For get me?
What if I fail at every turn?
Overall I guess,
These dreams mean nothing
Yet they are my everything
I am trying to scream
So many things
To so many people
Maybe this is why
I'm on that cliff
Maybe the true way
To get everyone to listen
Is by stepping off
And seeing if I can fly
Maybe that's the only way
To truly make you listen
By jumping off that edge
And actually flying
Maybe then all I need to
Scream
Will end up being said
In some weird twisted way
Maybe then
You'll see me for what I
Really am
Maybe then
People will understand
That yes, I am running away
But not from anyone
But myself
That yes I am hiding
My guilt, my love, my fears
My joys, my hate, my happiness
Under everything I've been though
These last couple of years.
So maybe, by jumping
I'll finally be free
And can stop hating the
Person I, at one time,
Wanted to be.
I'm not saying I'm giving up
I'm just saying I need
To leave
And be me
Without you
Because I need to
Know that I am
Someone without you
And that you are someone
Without me.
So I'm spreading my wings
And jumping off that edge
And praying to God
I actually fly
Goodbye for now,
But hopefully not forever
I love you dearly
And I'm sorry
For everything
I hope you forgive me