I spoke to an old man yesterday-
he reminded me of resemblance
spoke of family
and what it meant;
we meandered through memories
distant like his gaze
yet real and as close
as the space we shared--
we talked of life
of living
and how he relates it
to a place, a thing, or even a person;
I experienced this existence
within the manner of his movements,
then I left this old man
left him with my youth
hearing the promise to meet
to converse once more
and I finally understood
as I watched myself walk into his shadow
Author notes
prompt:
Write an everyday moment; a snippet of your life made poetry.
In a list
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Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Perfect. I often tell the younger writers among us that time may seem to drag for them now, but it speeds up all too soon. If you ask someone who's 100 years old, they'll say it was gone in the blink of an eye. Such wisdom, Rob. 
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BANDITS UNITED ! ! ! !
Quite a meaningful parable, we can always learn from the old and wise
The wise recognize the ignorant for they were once ignorant,but the ignorant do not recognize the wise because they have never been wise.
I enjoyed reading your profound informative poem.....Peace..Love ...and
Togetherness ...George
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The theme of this poem, is so nice. I think it is also a jumping off place for your crown of Sonnets contest, for it touches on time in relationship to your life and its impact on others. You have much valuable insight in this piece of writing, and it shows great depth in your ability to gain insight into another's soul. Especially nice wording and flow in the line 'I experienced this existence
within the manner of his movements,
then I left this old man
left him with my youth'
Lovely line, that one. Rose.
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Wow, so cool ..."walk into his shadow" and the still and deep moment caught here with "distant like his gaze
yet real and as close
as the space we shared--"
A very profound moment shared in this snippet of your life.
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ohhh!
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"distant like his gaze", ah. Wonderful. The last line gave me chills. Have you considered not ending it with the ellipsis? For me it took away some of the impact
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Nice writing.
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very nice write here, good flow and pace to it.
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Applause-Applause-
loved the clever nature and wit in this poem!
FAbulous ending!
WAY TO WRITE
Very inspiring!
ears/Kathleen/Seattle
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Wow. I saw yiur title and it caught my attention. I really like this a lot very well done and good luck in the contest.
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Very nice little vignette. The only problem I have is with the word "resemblance". I do not see how it fits in here. I can see "remembrance", but not the other.
Well wishes in the contest.
Thank you for sharing.
rou -
Very thoughtful poetry here, a very enjoyable read with a couple of great lines, "he reminded me of resemblance" is just right
Jeff
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Oooo, nicely written. A couple of different scenarios can be applied with this write and I dooo so enjoy that.
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This is really good. Youth is something that happens constantly, in everyone. I like how you used your words. Good flow.
Keep up the good work!
Vhoori
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I have a very old man as a friend, who first was my patient. Despite our obvious differences, we seem to be so much alike in life and love and ethics, and mortality. I have a natural weakness for the old man, as he brings so much to life in his stories and his life experiences. this is a lovely poem, my dear. It shows a soft side to you that isn't always apparent, but has always been there for your friends and loved ones. You're so not an old man, love. Not even close...? but I do understand that you didnt necessarily mean for the last line to be read literally. Excellent. love to you always,
jin
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great read! i like how you personify your youth into something concrete. nice and concise, as well.
bravo!
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I really like the concept of this poem. I think older people are the most fascinating and best conversationalists...however, that said, I think this could be edited down. there is a lot of "filler" that doesn't necessarily add to what you are saying from my perspective. however, I thought this was great
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I was riveted reading this;
I am watching Wolverine (which I've been dying to see by the way) and yet once I began reading I couldn't move my eyes off the screen and found myself reading this three more times before I realised I was watching the movie - I have to go rewind now
I have to disagree with Tyler about ending it at that point as to me the ending packs the perfect ending; you've put alot in this and it probably is over the word limit but damn who cares? (Obviously the judge might) If he does and removes this I'm going to beg you not to delete this or I'll cry!
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Agreed. This is incredible.
If you delete it - I'll hunt you down and tattoo it on your face.
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I think you made the same mistake I did...lol...because I went over the word limit...and you did too. I think if you ended it at "left him there with my youth" that the poem would work just as well (even for the sake of the contest set aside). Either way, this was a great idea.
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Wow.
In a word - AMAZING.
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