Like monotonous footsteps
beating across the dirt stained floor,
my heart in aching thumps off rhythm.
Missing in this unwritten song,
that plays its harmonous sound,
are solomn words that speak to me.
Let me hear the impromtu duet
that you and I so gloriously express,
creating the music that pieces us together.
Author notes
Phrase Prompt: the malancholy beat of drums.
Please give me suggestions on what I could do to make this better. I will reward those to whomever asks and critiques with suggestions I can work with. And Thank you for reading.
Comments
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For me, this poem seems ,, forced. As there are too many words that I must get a dictionary to see what they mean. I feel that you are trying to somehow fit in words that will tie to the promt.. in any place possible. (again.. thats just my opinion.)
I would suggest using slightly smaller words. (in the future)..
I can not feel your emotions in this poem.. nor can I picture this senerio.
My appologise. As this is a very good poem, and well penned. Yet it is not one that I would probably read again
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I thought this was a great poem.
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ooo i LOVE the last line!! did you mean to type Aldante or Andante? What a beautiful poem Matty, this really spoke to me!! BRAVO!! <3
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