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The Tale of Tommy Twist

Tommy Twist (a gentle gent)
would start out with the best intent
but everything he did was wrong
(or turned that way before too long).
What follows is a bit of fun
recounting things that Tommy's done.

When he was young, he often swam
with playmates at the local dam.
A girl fell in, but he was quick.
He gave the valve release a flick
and saved her life, she didn't drown!
(He washed away a nearby town.)

At school, he was a prodigy
and tried organic chemistry.
He mixed a brew he knew would cure
the ravages of age. So sure,
he gave it to a sickly friend.
(Who met a most untimely end.)

He brought his sweetheart summer flowers
he picked himself (it took him hours),
painstakingly, on bended knees,
unknowing of her allergies.
"Surprise!" She took a single breath.
(He sweetly, softly, caused her death.)

Bereaved, he thought his heart would burst.
"I'm dangerous! My life is cursed!"
He packed and left the home he knew
to save his kin, lest they die too.
But rushing out, left on the gas.
(His sleeping family died, en masse.)

He wandered far, and found at last
a girl who shared his troubled past,
who, though she'd killed her family,
attracted him most fatally.
Now Tommy lives in frightened bliss.
(Here ends the tale of Tommy Twist.)







Author notes

Contest entry, "Ruthless Rhymes."

A contest entry

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Comments


  • ronnica
    November 10

    Edit | Reply
    Your tale of Tommy and his life of woe is awesome, fatefully burdened to the end and I am left wondering if he will survive she or will she survive he. Ha Ha.


  • isomuse silver member
    October 31

    Edit | Reply
    Superb meter and rhyme with a fascinating and quite ruthless story! My only suggestion would be to perhaps find a better rhyme for "family - fatally" in the last stanza. I'd humbly suggest something maybe along these lines:

    "who'd also killed her family whole
    but now had captured Tommy's soul
    They both now live in frightened bliss
    (Here ends the tale of Tommy Twist.)"

    This is all IMHO, of course. Thanks for an enjoyable read!


  • santonix
    October 28

    Edit | Reply

    loved it to bits

    i love this sort of stuff, its what i would like to write. it simple and neat without flowery prose and is something people can relate to. (well i can anyway)